


No Matter What

by Turquoistar



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, F/M, Human Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human Crowley (Good Omens), Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Other, Sex, Trans Character, Trans Crowley (Good Omens), Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2020-12-17 07:57:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21050969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turquoistar/pseuds/Turquoistar
Summary: Aziraphale is a lonely librarian in a small town that is at it core, provincial. But his word is tossed on it's head when a stranger in dark glasses shows up at the local Harvest festival.Crowley is blown away but the adorable man at the festival but will the angelic man be accepting of Crowley's secret.





	1. Harvest Festival

The wind whipped through the trees though the park, it was one of those days that looked warm and inviting from your car or house, but once you stepped out into it, the wind tried to freeze your skin off. A young man had been fooled as he walked at a quick pace towards the library. He wore a tan jacket that was more for show than to protect him from the cold. Luckily for him, even in warmer weather he wore quite a few layers; a soft sky blue button up and his cream colored vest. His blond hair was short so even though it wasn’t as neatly brushed  
as it had been when he’d left his home it didn’t look bad. He pushed himself to run up the steps and ducked into the safety of the Library.

“Almighty why?” He looked up leaning on the large heavy doors now safe from the cruel wind. 

“Welcome to...Oh, Hey, Azira!” The young woman called from the front desk. Azira walked over to the desk where the woman was. She had thick round glasses and a heavy looking cotton dress in bright colors of blue and greens. 

Azira smiled, “Afternoon Anathema.” He walked around the desk and checked the time. He was a little early for his shift. “How was your morning?” 

She sighed leaning on the counter, “It’s been slow. The few people that have come in said that the wind has bite today.” 

Azira nodded, “They are not wrong. I thought I was going to freeze on my walk over.” He frowned, “And it looked like such a lovely day from my front window.” 

Anathema crossed her arms as if getting ready to fend herself from the cold. “I should call and see if Newt will come pick me up.” she pulled her phone out and started to send a text.

“I would if I was you.” Azira clocked in on time, “If I would have known it was this cold out I would have called my siblings, or cousins...I have enough of them that someone could have come pick me up.” Azira shivered still trying to get the chill from his bones. 

Anathema chuckled, “or a Boyfriend?” 

Azira shrugged his shoulders not wanting to add to the statement. It felt like the whole town had been trying to get him to find someone, the few that he had asked either didn’t like men, or didn’t see themselves dating someone like him. “I’m sure...someday, I’ll find a special someone to...share my life with.” 

“Oh speaking of finding someone. Are you going to the Fall Festival?” Anathema walked over as she clocked out for her shift. 

Azira rolled his eyes, “Do I really need to answer? The whole town will be there. Michael is running the police dunk booth this year and you know how much Gabriel likes to strut around looking important.” Azira checked the pile of books that needed to be sorted, “I volunteered to help with the candy apple booth as well.” 

Anathema shrugged her shoulders, “I won't be this year. I’m going to go visit my parents. While I have a break in school. Going to take Newt, you know...introduce him to my parents.” 

Azira put the book he was holding down, “Oh Congratulation, I wish you both the best of luck.” 

Anathema linked her fingers together. “Yeah I’m...trying not to be nervous. I’m worried they’ll think he’s getting in the way of my studies.” she unlinked her fingers, “But even if they don’t like him...I love him so much.” Azira nodded and she walked over and gave him a hug. “Please promise me you’ll try and talk and be sociable at the Festival...I...feel like you’re on the edge of something amazing and...I’d hate for you to miss it.” 

Azira wasn’t sure where this had come from. Though he knew that Anathema had a gift for knowing when something big was going to happen. “If you say so.” He hugged her back. “I won't even take a book with me.” 

Anathema smiled, “I’ll see you after my trip, Azira.” She kissed his check before grabbing her bag and heading out the back way where she usually parked her bike. 

He watched her go, hoping Newt was on his way. It was so cold outside. Azira shivered once more just thinking of the cold before grabbing the stack of books and starting to sort them throughout the library. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Azira sighed wishing he’d brought a book. There was enough breaks between people that he could have gotten a few chapters in. Four young kids walked up to the booth. “Azira could I get a chocolate covered apple?” 

“Of course, Adam.” Azira walked over to the tray of chocolate covered apples. “Do you want four? 

Brian shook his head, “I’m going to have Madam Tracy read my fortune.” 

Pepper rolled her eyes, “That isn’t a very good thing to spend your money on.” 

“It’s my money and if I want to spend it on my fortune, I can.” Brian restored back as they started to bicker. 

Adam sighed, “That’s enough.” Which made the two stop. 

Azira handed Adam the candied treat and Adam handed him two dollars. “You four go enjoy yourselves.” 

“Thanks.” They all said together before running off. 

Azira sighed watching them run off. Then he noticed a dark figure in the corner of his eye. A tall man stood a few booths down looking at a case of sunglasses. Short auburn hair which caught the sun making it look like fire and dark sunglasses covering his eyes. Azira watched him checking himself out in the small mirror. He admired the slender body and tight fitting jeans just long enough not to be rude, he took a deep breath and turned thinking about his book but then he stopped, he hadn’t brought his book. He glanced around the booth like he’d forgotten where he was. This wasn’t what Anathemawas talking about was it? He then heard someone clear their throat behind him. Azira turned as the handsome man was right behind him, “Do you have non-candied apples?” His dark shades covered his eyes.

Azira swallowed praying that he wasn’t blushing. “Oh...yes a few. Would you like green or red?” 

The man smiled, “Red.” He reached into his back pocket pulling out some bills. 

Azira walked to the back and grabbed the best looking apple out of the bunch. “Here you go. One red apple.” Azira tried not to look or sound stupid as he handed the apple over. 

“How much?” The stranger asked looking at the price of the candy apples. 

“Oh...nothing, don’t worry about it.” Azira put his hands up not accepting any money. He wasn’t really sure if that was right, it wasn’t really his booth but he’d gladly put a few bucks into the till for this. 

The man put his money away, “If you're sure. Won't argue free fruit.” He took a bite out of the apple and Azira felt his knees grow weak. 

Azira couldn’t help but wonder what else that mouth could do. He pinched himself knowing he had to say something or the stranger would walk right out of his life and Azira would hate himself for it. “I...Haven’t seen you around...just passing through?” 

The man shook his head, still with apple in his mouth, “Na, just moved to the area. Had to get away from the city. Crowley...uhm Anthony Crowley.” He said around a half chewed up apple bite.

Azira smiled, “Oh lovely. I’m Azira..phale.” He cleared his throat, usually people thought his name was ridiculous even though his nickname Azira or Az wasn’t much better. 

Anthony though on it, “Azira Fell...that’s...nice. Very, Angelic.” 

Aziraphale knew for sure, if he hadn’t been blushing he was now. “Uhm..Thank you. Yes, it’s sort of tradition in my family to have...angelic sounding names. My brother Gabriel and sister Michael, my cousin Uriel and Raphael.” Azira tried not to fiddle with his hands while he talked, but trying not to be awkward wasn’t as easy as one might think. “So Anthony, you...have you been in town long?” 

Anthony scrunched his face, “Oi, just call me Crowley...all my friends do. Uhm...just about a week or so. Staying at the Smokey’s Inn until I can get into a place. Been having a hard time finding anyone that will rent me a place...Hell, even just a room would be nice.” 

Aziraphale cringed, “Oh Almighty, the Smokey’s Inn. That rat hole.” Aziraphale thought, then nodded, “The locals are very...wary of outsiders. Let me talk to Uriel I’m sure she could find you something.” 

Crowley did a sort of between a bow and a shrug, “That would be helpful.”

“It’ll be nice to see a new face around here. Especially one as handsome as yours.” Azira felt the heat in his neck and chest, the words had come out of his mouth before he’d given it any thought and was sure he’d chase this man off. 

Crowley licked his lips, “Why don’t I give you my phone number...then if you hear anything...or...want anything. You can give me a ring?” Crowley’s voice was rich with flirt as he grabbed the pen next to the till and wrote his number on a napkin. 

He handed Aziraphale the napkin with his number on it. Aziraphale willed his hand not to shake as he accepted it. “I...Yes I will.” He had to remind himself to breathe as Crowley took another bite of the apple. 

“See you around, Angel.” He took a few steps backward before walking away. 

Angel? Aziraphale thought watching Crowley slanter away off to enjoy himself at the festival. Aziraphale had now partially regretted volunteering, he wished he could of gone off with Crowley. 

The day dragged on and Aziraphale was sure he’s spotted Crowley a few more times wandering around the festival. All of the apples had been sold and Aziraphale was helping Mrs. Young clean up. It was twilight as the announcer called for the last dance at the square. Aziraphale glanced over to the large dance area he could easily see now that the booths had been taken down. Mrs. Young smiled, “If you have someone you’d like to dance with Azira. I can finish this. Arthur should be here soon with the car.” 

Aziraphale looked down at his hand, it was silly. Almost 30 years old and was pining over a stranger in dark glasses. “No...no one.” Mrs. Young gave him a sad look then she nodded and turned packing up the bins of caramel that had been left over. He kneeled down starting to roll up the canvas that had protected him from the sun throughout the day. 

A car drove by and Aziraphale paid it little mind since it was likely Arther Young, then the old horn went off. Aziraphale looked up seeing an old Bentley. He’s never seen one in real life, they were very old classic cars. Crowley opened the door. “Oi, Angel! Wanna grab a bite?” 

He was shocked when Mrs. Young touched his arm, “Azira is that man talking to you?” 

Aziraphale jumped at the sudden contact, “Oh...I believe so. You don’t mind, do you?” She shook her head looking a little worried, “Thank you Mrs. Young.” Aziraphale walked to the car. Crowley was leaning on the car, watching as Aziraphale walked around and got in on the passenger side. 

Aziraphale got in and Crowley slid into his seat. “Where to Angel?” 

“Uhm…” He tried to think what would be open. Pretty much everyone was at the festival. “Shari Cafe is the only place I can think of that is open. Their food isn’t the best but they have good desserts.” 

Crowley typed it into his phone and the car sped off, Aziraphale hurriedly gripped the door. It was supposed to take 15 mins to get to the small cafe but with Crowley’s driving it took just under 10. Crowley glanced over to Aziraphale as if he hadn’t just race car sped through the small town, “This the place?” 

Aziraphale glanced out and nodded, “Crowley you can’t drive that fast. You could have hit someone.” 

Crowley shrugged, “They’re in the road, they know their risk.” and with that he opened his door and got out. Aziraphale watched and then he closed his eyes wondering if maybe this was a bad idea and he should just make his way home. His door opening snapped him out of his thoughts as Crowley held the door open, “You coming?” 

Aziraphale got out of the car, Crowley smiled and held his arm out for him. Aziraphale still felt uneasy as he walked past Crowley and into the small cafe. Crowley followed, the diner was small, it was a chain restaurant that had been built in town a few years ago, It didn’t have the best food but it was always open. The man behind the counter waved, “Good to see you Azira. Your usual?” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Yes, that would be great.” 

“What will your friend have?” 

Crowley looked around for a menu, “Uhm…Just some eggs and bacon, black coffee?”

“Sure thing.” The man behind the counter said then slipped into the back to make the food. 

Crowley shrugged and walked over to an empty booth. “So what is your usual?” 

Aziraphale joined him sitting across from him, “Oh crepes, a strawberry pie slice and a hot cocoa.” 

Crowley nodded, “Sounds a little too sweet for my taste. Good thing I didn’t say the same.” He was looking around as if a menu will appear. 

Aziraphale chuckled as he touched his waistline. Thinking of Gabrial telling him he needed to lose the gut. “I usually make food at home, only going out to get...sweets and cakes.” 

Crowley nodded as he picked up a sheet of paper behind the ketchup with the daily soups on it. Aziraphale wasn’t sure why he still had his sunglasses on, it was dark outside by now. The waiter walked over setting down a cup of coffee and a cup of cocoa with whipped cream on it. 

Crowley picked up his coffee and took a drink. He shivered and looked down at the dark liquid like he wasn’t sure if it was coffee, then he put the cup down. “Why are you still wearing your sunglasses?” Aziraphale asked trying not to sound as rude as he thought he sounded. “Uhm...not to sound rude.” He added picking up his cup of cocoa just so his hands would have something to do. 

Crowley licked his lips and leaned on the table. “I have an eye condition. Lights hurt and...well most people get freaked out so I wear sunglasses.” he said matter of factly and Aziraphale felt bad. He thought it was just because they made him look cool or something. “Would you like to see them?” Crowley asked.

Azira took a sip of his cocoa. “I..wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” 

Crowley nodded and he reached up taking his glasses off. Aziraphale almost dropped his cup as yellow slitted eyes looked at him from Crowley’s face. Crowley chuckled as he used his shirt to clean his glasses off. “Every second to third generation has it in my family.” Crowley squinted looking at his glasses before slipping them back on. “My grandma had them too.” 

Aziraphale carefully put his cup down, “I’m sure the light sensitivity being the worst of it...I would say they’re striking but I wouldn’t think they should freak anyone out.” Aziraphale picked up his cup thinking about it. Crowley must have been teased a lot growing up. Aziraphale knew he’d been teased and bullied and he had very normal blue eyes. Maybe that was why he acted the way he did. 

Their food came and they fell into an easy conversation about the town, Azira’s family had founded the small town hundreds of years ago. His family was very religious and the one and only church in town was owned by his family. He knew everyone in town and everyone knew him. 

Crowley on the other hand was a drifter, moving from town to town every few years. He enjoyed botany and his car. “Yeah, I don’t have much...it just weighs you down.” He said finishing his coffee. “Everything I own could fit in my Bentley.” He added. 

Aziraphale was slowly picking at his food. Crowley had relaxed showing a softer side than he had earlier. Aziraphale wasn’t sure why but it was nice to have someone to talk to that didn’t know your whole family. “So you think you might only live here a few years?” 

“Likely.” He leaned back in the booth, “But if you’re worried about trying to help me get a place to live. I won't just up and leave. I’ll make sure to give my notice and clean up. I hate burning bridges, never know when you’ll have to come back, right?” 

It wasn’t something Aziraphale had thought about but he could understand. “I’m sure that will make Uriel happy. She is very kind, but she isn’t someone to be pushed around.” he took another small bite of pie. 

Crowley took the last strip of bacon and nibbled on it. “So Angel, what do you do for fun around here?” 

Aziraphale raised his eyebrow, “Why do you call me Angel?” 

Crowley shrugged, “Does it bother you?”

“No.” Aziraphale said, “It just...odd to call someone you’ve just met, a nickname.” Aziraphale almost said pet name but that would have been very inappropriate. 

Crowley leaned on the table putting his bacon down, “Oh...yeah I guess so. Sorry, I won't call you Angel anymore...but you’ll have to remind me of your name again.” 

Aziraphale chuckled and rubbed his head, “You called me that because you forgot my name?” 

Crowley stuttered a bit then finally got out a weak “yes.” He sat up straighter, “but I did remember it had something to do with Angels...so...I went with it.” 

“Azira is fine” He said then took the last bite of his cake. 

“That’s it. Azira Fell...I remember now.” Crowley looked like he just gotten a high point word on scrabble, as he finished the bacon he’d been nibbling on. 

Aziraphale couldn’t help but laugh. “It is an unusual name. I could understand you forgetting it.” 

“I wont now. Uhm let see. Yes Aziraphale, was the Angel that guarded Eden...if I’m not mistaken. Got duped by a wily serpent that tricked Eve into eating God’s special fruit.” 

Azira was impressed, not many people knew that. Everyone knew about the other more popular Angels but not really the lower ranked ones. “Color me impressed. Did you come from a religious family?” 

Crowley shook his head as the waiter walked over and refilled his coffee cup. “Not really. Uhm...my family always talked about how we were cursed by that snake, that's why we get these eyes. We have a big book going back like...fuck, as far back as there was cameras of each family member that had serpent eyes.” Crowley waved his hand in thanks as he took a sip of his coffee. “I was the last entry...before I ran away from home.” 

Aziraphale sighed rubbing the back of his hand, “It must have been hard as a kid. I know kids can be cruel, to ...people that are different.” 

Crowley slowly put his coffee down, “Yeah, but some of the teasing I brought upon myself as well. It’s better this way.” 

Aziraphale felt he’d touched a hard subject. “I...I should be getting home. I’ll talk to Uriel tomorrow and see about finding you a place to rent. If...I haven’t made an utter fool of myself...I’d like to...see you again.” 

Crowley smiled, “Me too.” He pulled out some bills. Azira reached for his pocketbook and Crowley put his hand out, “No I got this. You can pay next time.” Crowley walked over to the counter to pay. 

Aziraphale smiled as he watched him walk, Crowley’s words of ‘ next time.’ echoed in his head. He wasn’t quite the person Aziraphale saw himself liking but he did have a charm to him.

Crowley returned and reached out to help Aziraphale out of the booth. Aziraphale took his hand and Crowley didn’t let go as they walked out to his car. Aziraphale felt the blush returning to his checks and was glad for the darkness to hide it. “I don’t live far from here...just please try and go the speed limits.” Aziraphale asked squeezing Crowley’s hand. 

“I’ll do my best.” Crowley finally released Aziraphale as they parted to get in on their own sides of the car and Crowley did his best not to race through the town.


	2. Take me to Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley struggles with his feeling as some old trouble bubbles up from his past.

Crowley laid in the small smokey room. He wondered if it was called Smokey’s Inn because it was clear that they didn’t have a problem with people chain smoking in the rooms. It had been almost twenty-four hours since he’d dropped Azira off at his apartment. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked it for the hundredth time. Maybe he’d made a fool of himself and Azira was just too nice to just tell him off. “Don’t guys like bad boys? Or ...maybe it’s just girls that like bad boys?” He asked his phone and set it on the bed. He pulled himself up and walked around the bed, almost in total darkness. He started taking his shirt and pants off. Maybe a shower would help. He felt his way to the shower and lit a single candle so he wasn’t completely in the dark. After a year or so of living in a place he knew the layout enough to be in the dark all of the time but he didn’t want to be in this shit hole that long. He stepped into the shower and washing his body, he could still feel the scars along his chest it had been five years, he wondered if he’d ever not feel them. He worked hard to be the man he wanted to be. He wondered if it would be enough. He turned his thoughts to Azira. He had been smitten by the other the moment he’d laid eyes on him. He pretended to be checking himself out as the other gave those kids a candy apple. He’d never had felt that wave of wanting to be with someone so hard and so fast. It was clear that Azira was as gay as a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide, what would he even think about Crowley if he knew.

Crowley leaned on the cold wet titles of the little shower, “He didn’t mind my eyes...maybe he wouldn’t...mind the rest of me?” He slowly looked down, his eyes had adjusted enough to the lights that he could see himself. He growled and turned the water off and wrapped a towel around his lower part. It was his moment that he heard his phone ring. “Great.” he rushed over and answered it not even looking at the number. “Hello?” 

“Jane!” a haunting voice called his dead name cheerfully. “Long time no see.” 

Crowley swallowed, “Oh...Hastur. Yeah, it’s been what five years?” 

“Yeah, five years to the day. I’ve called about collecting the rest of Bees money.” He had a wicked tone like he was telling a big secret. 

Crowley shook his head, “No, I paid back all of the money Beelzebub loaned me. Last year. I don’t owe them anything.” 

There was some laughing from the background and Crowley felt himself start to shiver not sure what was going on. Hastur had join the laugh before saying, “You might have paid the full amount but you’ve forgotten interest.” 

“Interest? Beelzebub told me I didn’t have any interest for five.” Crowley stopped as the wording came to mind “...No...that isn’t how this works.” Crowley sat down on the bed. “Damn you all. It wasn’t if I paid it under five years I wouldn’t have interest, it was I wouldn’t have to pay the interest until after five years!” 

“You’re a smart little girl.” Hastur teased. 

“Fuck you, Hastur.” Crowley growled thinking about hanging up the phone. 

“You have three months to pay the fourteen grand before we come for you.” 

“Fourteen grand?!” Crowley stood up. “You’re out of your mind, that is like double what I borrowed!” He was yelling and starting to pace the room. “Catch Me If You Can, Bastards.” and Crowley hung up. He was about to throw the phone when it started to ring again. “Fuck off.” He yelled. 

“Oh..I’m sorry.” came Azira’s soft voice. 

Crowley put his hand in his still wet hair, “Oh fuck, I’m sorry. I...didn’t know it was you.” 

Azira cleared his throat, “Having a bad day?” he was clearly trying not to be bothered by the outburst.

Crowley nodded, “Something like that...an old bastard called and...never mind. I’m glad you called, you didn’t happen to talk to your cousin did you?” 

“Yes. She wants to have breakfast tomorrow to see if we could figure out what place would be best for your income and needs. Sorry for calling so late I just got off work.” 

Crowley took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. “Don’t worry about calling late. I’m just glad you called. When and where is breakfast?” 

“There is a cafe next to St. France’s Church at about 10:30. After morning service. Uhm...will you be attending service?” Azira asked. 

Crowley blinked looking at the yellow stain on the ceiling. It has been years since he’d gone to church. But maybe if he was going to make it in this small town it wouldn’t hurt. “Sure...what time does it start?” 

Azira’s voice sounded like sunshine as he spoke. “Oh wonderful. It starts at 8:30 but if you want a good seat you’ll want to come around 8.” 

Crowley rolled over, “Sounds great. Uhm...do you need a ride? I could, swing by and pick you up?” He asked not wanting to get stuck at church alone but wanting to spend more time with Azira. 

“Oh no. I’ll be there much earlier passing out the prayer pamphlets for our hearing impared.” 

Crowley sighed, “My driving didn’t scare you off did it?” 

“I would say it wasn’t very safe, but no it didn’t scare me off.” Azira chuckled. “I’ll see you at St. France.”

Crowley smirked, “Sleep well, Angel.” 

“Sleep well, Crowley.” You could almost hear the eye roll in his tone as he hung the phone up. Crowley sighed as he put his phone down. 

Crowley got up and put his boxers back on before slipping into the bed. It felt dirty but it was better than sleeping outside, almost. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crowley had on his nicest suit, he’d brushed out his hair and had his nice sunglasses that completely hid his eyes. He parked out front of the church just before 8, he took a deep breath trying to not think of the last time he’d been in a house of God. It wasn’t a good day then, but maybe this would be a new beginning. He left his car and headed into the large double doors. Azira and a woman stood at the doorway with a small stack of pamphlets. “Crowley!” Azira looked and sounded happy to see him. “I’m so glad you made it.” 

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head. 

The woman forced a cough and Azira looked over to her, “Oh sorry. Crowley this is my Cousin Raphael.” 

Crowley turned to face the woman, she was just about Azira’s height but was built more like Crowley was. Thin and lean with strawberry blond hair. “Az told us he was having a friend join us today. Welcome to St. Frances.” She extended her hand in a very flirtatious way. 

Crowley smiled taking the hand. “Thank you.” He took it fully and shook it in a firm handshake, which she wasn’t prepared for. “See you inside Azira.” Crowley winked at Azira before heading inside. 

Crowley took a seat in the far back corner. He didn’t want to get in anyone's way and he had a feeling Azira would sit up front with the rest of his family. The place started to fill up, he spotted Azira looking around and was shocked when Azira walked over to him. “You know we could sit closer.” Azira took a seat next to him. 

“It’s not as bright back here.” He lied looking over Azira, “But you don’t have to sit with me if you’d rather sit closer.” He hoped the other wouldn’t leave but he didn’t want to be a bother. 

Azira shook his head, “I’ve heard pretty much every sermon my Uncle has given. Besides this close to the doors we should be able to slip out before the rush.” 

Two hours of listening to Azira’ uncle talking about the Almighty and all of her great ineffable plans, was enough to make Crowley want to die. He’d forgotten how dull going to church really was. He was sure he’d drifted off a few times only to wake to Azira tapping his thigh. Crowley lifted his glasses just enough to rub his eyes. “Sorry.” he whispered the second time he’d been woken up. 

“I just didn’t want you to start snoring.” Azira whispered back. “It’s almost finished. Once they start passing out the donation hat we can slip out.” 

Crowley wasn’t sure if he did snore but it wasn’t a good time to find that out. They started passing out the hats to collect donations and Azira grabbed Crowley’s hand and the two of them slipped out before anyone could spot them. They laughed once clear of the doors like two teenagers knowing they just gave the adults the slip. “Oh man I haven’t left Church early...in years.” Azira glanced back at the very large church shaped building. 

“I hope it’s my bad influence.” Crowley took Azira’s other hand, “So what do you want to do before meeting with…”

“Uriel...yes I forgot we were going to meet up with her.” Azira looked a little disappointed but then smiled, “I guess we could get a table. Not much time to do anything else.” 

Crowley glanced around and smiled, “I have an idea.” He pulled Azira to the alley between the church and the cafe going around back where no one would see them. 

Azira looked around, “Crowley, where are we going?” even though he looked nervous he willingly followed Crowley. 

Crowley glanced around once more making sure no one else was around then he faced Azira, “I...know we’ve just met, and you might think I’m...odd, but...I’ve wanted to kiss you since the festival.” 

Azira’s eyes widen, “K...kiss me?” Azira stuttered out, his cheeks and neck blushing as the idea sunk in. “I...I.” 

Crowley felt his jaw tighten, “You don’t have to, if you don’t want too. I just…” Crowley realized how crazy it was. Just because he’d fallen hard for the sweet angelic creature before him didn’t mean those feelings were returned. 

Crowley was about to start retreating when he felt Azira lean in and their lips touched. He felt himself being pushed into the wall of the church. Azira was hungry for this and their kiss deeped. Crowley opened his mouth as their tongues pushed against each other tasting sweets and a hint of mint. Crowley’s lungs burned and he felt heat spread over his body as Azira pressed his whole body into Crowley. Crowley felt something hard push into his hips and that when the red lights flashed in Crowley’s brain and he pushed Azira back breaking their kiss. 

Azira’s face was red and his lips were redder than they’d been before. Azira looked worried, he stepped back as if realizing he’d gone to far. “I...I’m so sorry Crowley.” He turned away. 

Crowley was still pressed against the wall. He shook his head then pushed off from the wall wrapping his arms around Azira, hugging him from behind. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Angel.” Crowley whispered nuzzling behind Azira’s ear. “I just wasn’t expecting you to be as hungry for this as I was.” 

Azira nodded leaning into Crowley so their heads touched. “That...was my first kiss. Well my first passionate kiss. I didn’t mean to…”

“Shh.” Crowley cooed still holding Azira. “Come let’s go. You’ll want to sort yourself before we met with Uriel.” 

This only made Azira blush more. “Yes.” Azira said. “Will you walk me to the bathroom. I...don’t want anyone to...see me...like this.” 

Crowley nodded as they left the alleyway and headed into the cafe to the men’s bathroom. Azira walked into an empty stall and Crowley leaned on the sink checking himself out. He couldn’t believe how hot that just was. He felt his own body had been turned on. He closed his eyes trying to get himself under control then he saw Azira’s mad face in his mind's eye, ‘You lied to me!’ his body shivered at the rage and opened his eyes. 

“There is something I have to tell you.” Azira’s voice sounded over the stall. 

Crowley raised his eyebrow, “Oi?” He wasn’t sure of his own ability to talk so he just made a soft sound to let Azira know he was listening. 

Azira walked out of the stall looking more like the sweet angel he was, than a hungry sex deprived man, that had made out behind a church. He walked over to the sink to wash his hands. “I just thought...you should know.” He swallowed flicking his wet hands into the sink, “That Azira is a nickname...but full name is Aziraphale. Aziraphale Fell” Azira avoided looking at Crowley as he finished. “Though I do...like it when you call me Angel. It...makes me feel good.” 

“Aziraphale.” He whispered and walked over to him. “I knew you were an angel.” Crowley took his sunglasses off trying not to squinting against the harsh fluorescent lights. “Could you...love a demon?” 

Aziraphale turned meeting Crowley’s eyes. “My Dear, you’re too kind to be a demon. No matter what you think of yourself.” Aziraphale reached out putting his hand on Crowley’s shoulder. “Now we should go get a table before Uriel gets here.” 

Crowley nodded as they left the bathroom to go meet with Aziraphale’s cousin.


	3. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Information from his sister, Michael, makes Aziraphale question his new boyfriend's past, but is he really prepared for what he'll learn?

Aziraphale sighed as he slipped the book into its correct order. He has been trying to not think of the slender man he’s shoved against the church just a few days before. The meeting with Uriel had gone as planned, Uriel had a small studio apartment she was willing to rent to Crowley for very cheap, with Aziraphale’s word that he’d be a good tenant and that he would check in on an elderly woman next door to make sure she hadn’t fallen down or didn’t need any help. 

“Azira!” A woman called. 

Aziraphale smiled hearing Anathema voice. He’s missed her over the school break, he was excited to tell her of his adventures. “In Nonfiction, Dear!” He called back. It didn’t take long for the young woman to come skipping around the corner, she looked to be walking on air. 

She walked over and gave him a hug, “Oh I have missed you. How was the festival?” She leaned on the shelf. 

Aziraphale smiled, “It was...quite eventful. I...met a very handsome gentleman.” 

Anathema squealed with excitement, “I knew it! You have to tell me everything.” 

Aziraphale chuckled as he put the last book he had in place. They walked to the front desk and he told Anathema about meeting Crowley and making out with him behind the church, Anathema was the only person in town he trusted enough to tell. “I know we haven’t known each other very long, but...it feels good. I know it’s irrational.” 

Anathema put her tea down that Aziraphale had made for them while he talked. “No, I don’t think it’s irrational...that’s how I felt with Newt. We had sex our first full day together. So I totally get it.” 

Aziraphale took a sip of his tea, “It’s a little embarrassing but I’m sure I...well don’t say anything but I would have dropped to my knees right there behind the church.” Aziraphale tugged at his bow tie. 

Anathema smiled, “What stopped you?” 

“He did.” Aziraphale looked into the light brown tea in his cup. “I was...completely out of step. That isn’t the sort of person I am.” He set the cup down. “But I wanted it so bad.” 

“I don’t see anything wrong with wanting.” Anathema walked over to him and put her hands on his shoulders. “Just be careful my dear friend. Love is a big fall, I wouldn’t want you to fall and this Crowley...not catch you. I know my premanation said it was something amazing for you, but it might still...break your heart.” 

Aziraphale didn’t want to think about Crowley breaking his heart, but Anathema was right, he’d barely known Crowley for a week and knew very little about him. Maybe he just needed to step back and talk with Crowley, make sure they were on the same page. The door to the library opened and a delivery man walked in. He smiled walking to the desk, “Afternoon Azira. I have a package for you.” 

The man handed Aziraphale a small long flat box and collected a signager. “Thank you.” Aziraphale looked over the box as the delivery man walked out. 

Anathema walked over, “Who is it from?” 

Aziraphale opened the box and slid out a very fancy looking box wrapped with purples and golds. Aziraphale took a sharp breath. “Do you know what this is?” He was excited looking over the very expensive box of chocolate.

Anthema picked up a note that had fallen out. She opened the card and read, “My Angel, I’m not one for sweets but I wanted you to experience what your kiss was to me.” She giggled, “It signed with a heart and C.” 

Aziraphale held the box to his chest, “Oh Crowley.” He almost forgotten about talking with Crowley and just wanted to kiss the man again. “I’ve never had these but they’re all the rage for the best chocolate to give a special someone.” Aziraphale opened the box looking over the small cubes of chocolate sweets. 

Anathema smiled and tucked the card into Aziraphale vest pocket. “Don’t forget to talk to Crowley. I have to get going, I have to finish unpacking and get ready for classes to start tomorrow.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “I shall, good luck with your classes.” Anathema leaned over kissing Aziraphale cheek before heading out. Aziraphale watched her walk out and then spent a moment to think about which of the chocolate treats he was going to enjoy first. He didn’t get much work done as he was occupied with the chocolates.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aziraphale had taken Anathema's advice and sat down and talked to Crowley about them. He was relieved to hear that Crowley agreed and they shouldn’t just jump into things. They’d taken a few steps back going on dates and holding hands though the farmer’s market. The leaves fell off the trees leaving them bare as snow started to fall on the ground. The local scouts did their best to keep the roads clear but Aziraphale still tried to talk Crowley out of driving around. He was sure there was still ice and didn’t want to hear that the other had killed himself sliding over ice. 

Aziraphale had a very heavy coat on as he walked down the street, his phone pushed inside his hood to keep his head and ears warm. “Crowley I’m perfectly fine. I’ve been walking to work for years.” Aziraphale said trying to reassure his worried boyfriend. 

“Hey you could slip on ice just as easily as I could slide in the Bentley. I can still come get you. It’s not a bother.” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “I can see the Library from here I’ll be careful.” 

“You can almost see the Library from your front door! But fine. I’ll be by to pick you up. We can go get dinner.” 

“I thought you said you had been trying to save money?” Aziraphale carefully walked up the steps to the Library’s door.

“Sort of.” he sighed as if he was some teen that didn’t really feel like being smart with their money. “But I’d rather spoil you.” 

Aziraphale pushed the doors open and walked in, “In a few weeks they’ll have the Winter Dance at the college, Anathema has been talking about it almost non-stop.” 

“Winter Dance?” 

Aziraphale hung his heavy coat up juggling the phone with getting his snow clothes off. “Yes. they do it every year before school gets out for Winter Break.” 

“You family might see you dancing with another man?” 

Aziraphale sighed, “Yes, but I’m going to tell them. I’ve already had Michael texting me asking about the shady looking fellow I’ve been hanging out with.” 

“It’s only been, what like almost three months? Not a very observant bunch are they?” 

Aziraphale walked around the counter checking the clock, “They usually are, but...well I’m sort of the odd one so as long as I’m not making them look bad they pay me little mind.” Aziraphale clocked in on time, “But I have to get to work. I love you and I’ll call you once I’m on my way home.” 

“Are you sure you’ll be ok walking home? I can come pick you up.”

“If it starts to snow you can come get me. Goodbye Crowley.” Aziraphale sighed as a woman walked in, he waved to her as she returned her book. 

“Deal. I love you too, have fun with your books.”

Aziraphale hung up and turned his phone to silent before slipping it into his pocket. Aziraphale sighed before collecting the returned books and getting them scanned into the computer. He was just about finished when the doors of the library opened, “Welcome to Library Haven.” he turned smiling at the newcomer then his smile fell by half seeing his sister Michael walk over to him. “Oh Hello, Michael.” 

She leaned on the counter. “Hello Az.” She smiled sharply. “So you’ve been ignoring my text and calls. What is going on?” She straightened up and crossed her arms, “Word is you’ve been getting cozy with that strange fellow with the dark glasses?” 

Aziraphale laughed nervously. “Cozy?” He swallowed and put his book down that he just finished scanning. “Listen Michael , I’m...sort of busy right now. Could we talk about this later?” 

The door opened and in walked Gabriel, Uriel, and Raphael. Aziraphale sighed as Michael turned to them, “Thanks for coming.” 

Gabriel looked around, “I hope this is important Michael .” 

She nodded and glanced back at Aziraphale, “Well, if none of you have noticed. Little Az has been dating that new guy that just moved into Hogback Lane.” 

Uriel nodded, “Yeah, I knew. He’s a good sort. Has been helping Mrs. Fuller. Make sure she eats and sits with her and talks. He’s passed the last inspection I gave just last month. That is all I care about.” 

Raphael crossed her arms, “Az is that that gentleman you’ve been sitting with at church? Wow I never thought such a hotty would have such poor taste. No offense Az.” 

Aziraphale took a deep breath, this wasn’t the sort of way he wanted to tell his family about Crowley. “Yes I take offence to that Raphael . Yes I’ve been dating Anthony. He’s nice and we have a lovely time together. I...don’t see how it’s anyone’s business?” 

Michael leaned on the counter, “I’m sure you think he’s nice, but if he’s so nice... Why does he have a hit on him?” 

Gabriel looked shocked, “A hit?” 

Michael nodded, “Yeah. Someone called Beelzebub put a hit out for him to be brought in alive. London has tons of folders from petty theft to international drug deals associated with this guy.” 

Aziraphale wanted to stand up but he wasn’t sure his legs would hold him. Crowley some sort of criminal? “I’m sure there is an innocent explanation.” Aziraphale managed to get out.

Gabriel put his hands together, “There better be. I will not have a Criminal in our family.” he turned to Uriel, “You might want to have someone go through Mrs. Fuller’s house and make sure nothing is missing.” 

Uriel nodded as Aziraphale stood up, “Listen here. Anthony is...he’s not a criminal, he’s wonderful and he...he loves me.” Aziraphale tried to keep the sadness from his voice. “Don’t go branding someone as bad you don’t even know.” 

Michael took a deep breath, “I’ll look into it more. See if the back channels have any information that the police don’t have...but Aziraphale, if it’s true.” She walked over and put her hand on his shoulders, “We have to protect family...even if it hurts.” 

Gabrial nodded as he turned to walk out. Followed by Raphael and Michael . Uriel lingered rubbing her arm, “Az. I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding.” 

Aziraphale sighed in relief that Uriel thought so too. “Thanks. I just...I can’t imagine him doing anything to get into trouble with the law...well, other than speeding but this didn’t sound like something like that.” 

Uriel nodded, “Mrs. Fuller speaks highly of him. I’ll keep an eye on Michael , make sure she’s looking into it and not starting a witch hunt.” 

“Thank you, Uriel.” She smiled and then turned and left the library. Aziraphale took a seat as a million questions raced through his mind. 

He got halfway through his shift and couldn’t take it anymore. He called a few of the other library staff seeing if anyone would come and cover him. He called Anathema last knowing she would come in if it was an emergency. “Sure thing I’ll have Newt drive me down.” She said after Aziraphale had explained what had happened. 

Once she got there she clocked in, “Just call me once you get things figured out. Newt is waiting outside to take you to Crowley.” 

“Oh thank you. You’re a lifesaver.” he kissed her check as he got into this winter clothes and then walked out into the cold and into Newt’s waiting car. Newt was nothing like Crowley. He drove very slow and made sure to look extra times at stop signs and crosswalks. 

Aziraphale was sure he’d miss Crowley’s driving as Newt pulled up the Hogback Lane Apartments. “Thank you Newt.” 

Newt waved awkwardly, “Good Luck.” he mumbled then drove off. 

Aziraphale walked through the snow to Crowley’s apartment. There was two shady looking guys out front. One with white hair was smoking a cigarette, he nodded at Aziraphale as he got closer, “Oi. Do you know if a Jane lives here?” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “No I’m sorry not one lives here with that name.” 

The darker gentleman scoffed, “You sure this is where the checks go?” 

Aziraphale walked past them as they started talking about money and he made his way to Crowley’s apartment. He was about to knock when the door opened and Crowley pulled him inside. The room was dark and Aziraphale looked around, “Crowley? What is...why is it so dark in here.” 

“Shh.” Crowley was just barely visible standing next to the window peeking out. “What did that man say to you?” 

Aziraphale walked closer to the window. “Hey asked me if a Jane lives here. Then they started talking about checks.” 

“Fuck.” Crowley sighed as he walked away from the window, which was the only source of light. 

“Crowley who are those men?” 

Crowley sighed, “Don’t worry about them.” 

Aziraphale walked over to him, his eyes quickly adjusting to the poor lighting, “Do not lie to me!” 

Crowley froze, he took his sunglasses off and set them on the table. “There...is stuff I’ve never told you, but I have never lied to you.” 

Aziraphale was a little put off by the pain in Crowley’s tone, but he couldn’t dance around this anymore, “Michael came by the Library and told me...told my siblings and cousins that you have a ‘Hit’ on you. That you’re involved with someone named Beelzbub. Some Criminal from London...is that why you moved here?” Aziraphale felt tears in his eyes. “Am I just...some game to you? Some cover so you don’t get caught?” 

“No.” Crowley closed the distance between them. “No no no, You’re not a game. I love you Aziraphale. I just...Fuck. I made some bad choices and trusted the wrong people. I thought I’d taken care of it and gotten away from them...but they followed me.” 

Aziraphale reached up cupping Crowley’s face, “Please tell me. Maybe I can help.” Crowley closed his eyes leaning into Aziraphale. “Who is Jane?” 

Crowley leaned in resting his head on Aziraphale shoulder and started laughing and Aziraphale was confused until the laughing turns into crying. “It’s me.” He pulled himself off Aziraphale and starts to unbutton his shirt. “I’ll likely lose you after tonight anyway so you might as well know…” he opened his shirt. 

Aziraphale saw a very toned body and under his chest was two thin white scars. Aziraphale raised his eyebrow, Crowley was acting like this would somehow explain everything. Then it clicked, “You…” He slowly walked towards Crowley, “You...were....” Aziraphale slowly reached up gently touching the light scars as if they might still hurt. 

Crowley’s eyes were still sad as tears threaten to fall, “Yep.” Crowley rubbed his face. “Only the girls in my family get these eyes. It was...horrible, my family moved around so much and, with each new school I’d have teachers not wanting me to wear my sunglasses. Even though I had a doctor’s order that I needed them. Then when I was...10, I got gum stuck in my hair from a bully and I had to cut my hair, so short. When I moved to the next school some...kids thought I was a boy and...they thought my eye were cool...until they figure out I was a girl.” Crowley looked to the ceiling not meeting Aziraphale gaze. “So, I started dressing like a boy. Started styling my hair short and even binding my chest. One night, when I started high school...I realized I felt good being a boy. I felt like myself, happy even. My parents flipped when I told them and they dragged me to church...tried to get them to fix me. That’s when I ran away. I found a doctor that let me get on Hormone therapy and...five years ago I borrowed money from Beelzebub to have my top surgery.” 

Aziraphale watched as Crowley poured his heart out. So much sadness that had been suppressed for years. “Crowley...please look at me?” 

Crowley closed his eyes and slowly looked down to Aziraphale and opened his eyes slowly, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you...I...I wanted to but.” Crowley leaned into him, “I was scared to lose you.” 

Aziraphale pulled Crowley to him holding him as he cried on his shoulder, Aziraphale took a quick glance to the window. “Do you still owe them money?” 

Crowley scoffed, “No, I paid it back what I borrowed but now they want to collect interest or some rubbish like that.” 

Aziraphale nodded, he was getting hot in his coat but it didn’t feel like removing it, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Michael. Who answered on the second ring. “Az?” 

“Michael I have figured out what happened. Crowley isn’t a criminal, he took out a loan with what he thought was a respectable sort and even though he’d paid back the money he borrowed they are still coming after him.” Aziraphale took a quick glance out the window. “Two thugs are outside Hogback Lane. I’m here with Crowley.” 

“I’ll send a car over. I want you out of there, do you understand?” Michael said in her stern voice.

“Crystal clear.” Aziraphale hung the phone up. “Michael is sending police over. They’ll get them to leave.” He looked back at Crowley whom was slowly buttoning up his shirt. He looked paler and his sharp angles didn’t look as nice as they had before. “Go pack. You can stay with me until we get this mess taken care of.” 

Crowley looked up shocked, “Wot?” 

Aziraphale sighed, “You can’t stay here. If they come back they’ll...hurt you. Is the Bentley out of sight?” 

Crowley looked like he’s been hit, “Oh...Yeah, she’s in the garage.” He looked to be trying to compose himself. “Aziraphale...I...you don’t have to do this. I got into this mess.” Crowley finished buttoning his shirt, “I’m...sure you don’t want anything to do with me. You don’t have to be so...bloody nice.” 

Aziraphale raised his eyebrow, “What would give you that impression? 

Crowley forced a cough, “Uhm...well, because…” He waved his hands over his body, “I’m sure I’m...not what you expected.” 

Aziraphale sighed, “You haven’t been what I expected since day one. This...this hardly changes anything. But...I wish you would have told me...earlier, or at least of your own discourse. I feel bad for prying into a subject so...sensitive.” 

Crowley put his hands in his pocket, “Hardly changes anything? I’m sure it changes a lot, you basically radiate homosexual.” 

Aziraphale shrugged, “Crowley I didn’t fall in love with your genitals.” Aziraphale felt a flush come to his face and he definitely needed to take his coat off. “I fell in love with a dark stranger in sunglasses. I fell in love with the fantasy of bringing you to the edge of ecstasy as...you call out my name like a mantra. Yes what I’ll have to do to get you there might change but nothing sort of you telling me you don’t want that is going to change how I feel.” Aziraphale slowly crossed his arms, “And even if you didn’t want it. I would never not want to love you, and please you.” 

Crowley just stared at him and then took a deep breath. “I..think I need to sit down.” 

Aziraphale uncrossed his arms and walked over supporting Crowley as he sat down on the couch. Once Crowley was comfortable Aziraphale walked to the kitchen and got a glass of water bring it over to him. “Here.” Aziraphale would have preferred to make Crowley a warm cup of tea but they didn’t really have the time. Crowley took the water drinking the whole glass. 

Crowley put the glass to the side table and took another deep breath, “This is really happening isn’t it?” Aziraphale nodded and Crowley leaned back, “Right. Uhm...I have a bag in my closet, it’s got a few weeks of clothes in it. If you could go grab that while I pack my medicine then as soon as the car gets here we can head out.” 

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes, “Why do you have a bag already packed?” 

Crowley swallowed, “To be honest, I knew that if Beelzebub’s goons showed up...I’d have to leave. I couldn’t put you at risk...I was planning on waiting them out, then slipping out in the Bentley ...stay away long enough to throw them off the trail…” Crowley sighed, “I wouldn’t have left without telling you. I had every intention to pick you up after work tonight...at the least to say goodbye.” Crowley looked at the glass then sighed. 

“Would you have let me come with you?” Aziraphale felt on the edge of tears but he was trying to put on a strong face. 

Crowley sat up, “You’d...really run away with me?” 

Aziraphale nodded, “I would follow you to Alpha Centauri if you asked me too.” Aziraphale leaned in pushing into Crowley as their lips met. It was their first full kiss since the church and it felt just as wonderful. Aziraphale felt himself crawling into Crowley’s lap. Crowley pulled Aziraphale closer opening his mouth to the other as he was pushed into the couch. 

A loud knock on the door made them both jump. They stared at the door as if it might burst into flames. Aziraphale got off Crowley and fixed his hair. “Careful, love.” Crowley reached for his hand. Aziraphale gave him what he hoped was a reassuring look then walked over and slowly opened the door. Aziraphale was glad to see one of Michael's officers at the door. “Oh thank the Almighty.” He sighed and opened the door more. 

The officer titled his hat. “Hey Azira. I chased those goons off. I also got their picture going through the police network. They shouldn’t be any more trouble. Michael asked me to make sure you got safely home as well.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Yes thank you. Just a moment.” Aziraphale turned but Crowley wasn’t on the couch anymore. 

He walked into the back and spotted Crowley packing some stuff in the bathroom, he nodded as he walked into Crowley’s bedroom and tried to turn the light on which didn’t do anything. He pulled his phone out and used the flashlight to find the black duffle bag and carried it out. Crowley had changed into some more winter appropriate clothes and his sunglasses rested on the top of his head he also had a small pack on his shoulder, “Here I’ll switch ya, this is lighter.” 

“I can handle it. Are you ready?” Aziraphale asked. Crowley nodded as they headed out into waiting police car. Once inside Aziraphale relaxed sitting in the back of the police car. “Why does everything you own have to be black?” Aziraphale asked once Crowley was settled. 

Crowley scoffed, “Black is cool. What is wrong with everything being black?” He didn’t look quite as relaxed as Aziraphale was but it could be understood. 

“When you send someone to get your black duffle back from your room with no lights it’s not very fun.” Aziraphale reached out taking Crowley’s hand hoping to reinsure the other. 

Crowley squeezed Aziraphale hand, “You managed just fine.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Please I know the lights bother you but please don’t remove any of the bulbs in my house.” 

“I won’t Angel.” Crowley glanced at their driver then he leaned on Aziraphale. Aziraphale gave Crowley a small kiss no longer caring whom saw them.


	4. I want this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale takes Crowley back to the safety of his home, and they explore each other.

It was a slow and easy drive back to Aziraphale place which was a small first floor two bedroom apartment. Aziraphale had thought about buying a house but knew he’d just fill it with books, and his current place was already looking like a bookshop. Crowley had been there before and Aziraphale had been trying to declutter the place. “Sorry, it's such a mess. I’ve been trying to...clean.” He looked around and almost every surface was a book or tea cup he hadn’t taken to the kitchen yet. 

“No it looks much better than the first time I came here.” Crowley put his bag down, “I can see the floor.” He said with a teasing tone. 

“Oh you.” Aziraphale huffed as he picked up a pile of books taking them into the back. Aziraphale returned to the living room, “It’s never been…” He stopped talking as Crowley wasn’t standing where he’d expect. 

“In the Kitchen.” Crowley called. 

Aziraphale turned, “There isn’t any more booze in the house. We drank it all. I was planning on getting more once I went shopping this weekend.” Aziraphale walked towards the kitchen.

Crowley was putting something in the fridge, “Don’t worry ‘bout it. Just...I have to keep my medicine cold.” He peeked over the door, “That’s ok, isn't it?” 

Aziraphale nodded a little flustered with himself, “Oh of course it is. I just thought you...I can make us some tea.” Aziraphale walked over to the small stove and started a kettle of water. 

Crowley closed the door and walked over to Aziraphale, “I know this...is all so fast, and you don’t adjust well to quick things but...I want you to know that I love you. If there is anything I can do...just say the word.” 

Aziraphale swallowed, “If I turned the kitchen lights off. Would you take your glasses off?” 

Crowley smiled and, without allowing Aziraphale to turn the lights off, took his glasses off. “I can stand inside light a little better than sunlight.” Crowley leaned closer and kissed Aziraphale. 

Aziraphale reached up wrapping his arms around Crowley’s neck, pulling him in for a deep passionate kiss. Aziraphale heard a click as Crowley had reached behind in and turned the stove off. Crowley broke the kiss and smiled, “If I remember correctly...someone had very interesting fantasies about me?” Aziraphale felt way too hot and he was sure it wasn’t because of the partial heated kettle behind him. “I wouldn’t mind exploring that if you’re…” 

Aziraphale didn’t let Crowley finished as he pushed him back and crushed him into the other kitchen wall. “Oh Crowley. Yes!” He pushed into his lover kissing and nibbling at his lips. 

Crowley reached up unbutton the heavy winter coat. It dropped to the ground as they slowly but desperately undressed each other. Crowley was just in his pants and boots and Aziraphale was similarly dressed before he realized they would have to leave the kitchen to do more. 

Crowley must have come to the same conclusion as he took Aziraphale hand and lead him back to the bedroom. Aziraphale could feel his heart pounding, he’d wanted this so bad, he just was worried. He didn’t have any experience and all of the romance books he’d read were with homosexual men. He hope he didn’t hurt or offend Crowley. 

Crowley pushed Aziraphale to the bed and knelt to remove his heavy snow boots. Once the boots where gone he slipped off his wool socks tossing them behind him. The only light in the room was the slight remains of daylight but it would be full dark soon. “Crowley...is...is there a way to have some light? I want to be able to see you.” 

Crowley looked up and he leaned on Aziraphale lap, “We can turn the side table light on. I’ll be fine my love.” Crowley leaned over and tapped the base of the lamp and it turned on at its highest settled which made Crowley squint then he tapped two more times to its lowest light setting. Aziraphale smiled as Crowley returned to his lap, “Better?” 

“Yes.” He said as he leaned over claiming Crowley’s lips. He felt Crowley start to undo his pants much to Aziraphale relief. The sudden temperature difference from his pants to the room sent shivers down his arms but Crowley’s slender hands started to rub and tease Aziraphale’s hardened member. “Crowley…” Aziraphale moaned. 

“Up so I can finish getting your pants off, Angel.” Crowley didn’t stop massaging Aziraphale as his other hand started to tug at those cream color winter pants, Aziraphale had on. Aziraphale pushed himself up and helped Crowley to get his pants and boxers off. “So Beautiful.” Crowley hummed before taking Aziraphale into his mouth. 

Aziraphale had read about how amazing blowjobs where, different technique to really please a partner but not even his imagination could reach where he was now. He gripped his thighs and Crowley grabbed his hand and put it in his hair. Aziraphale gripped the short auburn hair pulling gently, which rewarded him with a deep moan from Crowley. 

Crowley was very good and Aziraphale could feel his toes start to curle, “Oh Crowley, that feels so good...I think I’m close.” 

Crowley released Aziraphale and licked the underside of his shaft, “Do you want me to finish you or do you want to stay on edge while you work me up?”

Aziraphale took a deep breath, he tried his best to think through the fog in his head. His body ached from the lack of warmth and pressure but he didn’t want this to be a one and done. Aziraphale glanced to the pillows and then he felt Crowley push himself up and crawled partial over him to lay down on the bed. Aziraphale swallowed as he turned crawling to the other. 

He reached for Crowley’s jeans realize how tight they where. “What sort of demon helps you into these?” They could have been painted on. Cowley laughs as he helps Aziraphale slip out of his jeans. Smooth pale skin and Aziraphale realized Crowley isn’t wearing anything under those jeans. “Comando?” 

Crowley nodded, “I only wear underwear if I need to make a bigger point of being male down there. You’d be amazed how a pair of folded socks looks like a proper cock.” Aziraphale nodded as he slipped Crowley’s boots and pants off. He forced a smile looking into Crowley’s lovely serpentin eyes. “Aziraphale...you’re shaking.” The eyes looked worried as he sat up, “Aziraphale...if this is too much.” 

“No.” Aziraphale snapped then he shook his head.

“It’s ok, love.” Crowley pulled his legs together and Aziraphale quickly stopped him. 

“It’s not that I don’t want too. I just.” Aziraphale rubbed his head taking a deep breath trying to get his mind on a track. “I just. Have no idea what I’m doing. I spent...well most of my adult life, knowing that I was looking for. So...you do research. You see what you like and...you hope your partner like it too.” Crowley reached for Aziraphale and opened his mouth to say something but Aziraphale cut him off. “Stop. I want this. I just...I need you to tell me what you like. What feels good because...I want this to work.” 

Crowley gave Aziraphale a soft smile. “So just like you do with a blowjob. You just have a smaller space to work with. If you want, you can put your fingers into my vagina but just be gentle. I don’t fondle in there often.” 

Aziraphale sighed then nodded and he crawled between Crowley’s legs, He was relieved upon closer inspection that it almost looked like a small penis. He gently licked the tip before he started to suck. He heard Crowley moaned and felt him lean back on the bed. “Oh yes, Angel.” He called out lacing his fingers though short blond hair. Crowley’s breathing was heavy and sometimes he’d made short gasps. Aziraphale figured out those are the best spots followed by quick tugs at his hair. Aziraphale slowly pushed his finger in the wet folds which made Crowley shiver. Crowley was so wet and tight, then he felt the other start rocking his hips. “Fuck, Aziraphale...I need more.” 

Aziraphale hummed making Crowley’s breath catch as he pushed another finger into him. Aziraphale gave Crowley a final lick before he started pushing his fingers deeper in, feeling Crowley’s inner walls start to spread for him. The room was warm with the musky smell of sex, it smelled more intoxicating than all the booze Aziraphale had ever had, “You’re so lovely.” Aziraphale took a deep breath filling his lungs, “Crowley may I...put my penis inside you?” 

Crowley lifted his head a little, “Y..yea. Just...try not to cum inside me. It’s very unlikely but I can still get pregnant and I really don’t want that.” 

Aziraphale hadn’t even thought about that. “Oh...I, I shouldn’t then...wouldn’t want to put you through that.” 

Crowley leaned back on the bed, “Too late it’s in my head. Just fuck me Aziraphale...please.” Aziraphale could hardly deny such a request. 

Aziraphale positioned himself, “I’ll go slow but tell me if it’s too much.” Aziraphale picked up one of Crowley’s legs setting it on his shoulder before slowly pushing in. 

Crowley gripped the bed and arched his back. “Yes, yes...yes.” Crowley's eyes squeezed shut. Aziraphale pushed in until he felt something stopping him from going further in. Not like he had much further to go before he was flush against Crowley. 

He didn’t know if it was the same like when having anal sex where you need to wait for your partner to adjust before you start thrusting. “Darling are you alright?” he asked holding onto Crowley’s thighs, keeping him still. 

Crowley was breathing deeply, his eyes still closed, then he nodded, “You’re the first.” Crowley opened his eyes. “Heavens, Aziraphale I love you.” 

“I love you too. Just let me know when you’re ready.” Aziraphale nuzzled his head again Crowley’s leg not wanting to risk pushing in to hard trying to give him a kiss. Then he felt the walls around his member start to tighten and relax around him which was amazing, a rich moan escaped Aziraphale’s throat. 

“Oh you like that?” Crowley chuckled as he kept doing it. “You can start moving, Angel. Fuck me senseless.” 

Aziraphale started out slow. Getting a feeling for it, finding the right angle that satisfies both of them. It wasn’t long before Aziraphale and Crowley where having loud passionate sex that the neighbors surely could hear . Aziraphale stopped and repositioned himself to cum on Crowley’s chest. Crowley wiped his finger over the mess, bring it to his mouth to lick off. He hummed and licked his lips as if it was something sweet like chocolate and not cum.

Aziraphale slowly laid down next to Crowley, he can’t remember a time where he was that physically active. But it had been amazing and now he was determined to get in better shape, if only just to have better and longer sex. Aziraphale rolled from his back to face Crowley, “How was it? Did you...orgasm? I mean if you didn’t...just give me.” He stopped as Crowley raised his hand. 

Aziraphale was a little worried then Crowley turned his head to him, “Oh I orgasmed.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to go wash up. Then if you want another go we can, or if you’re ready for bed...I can go push the books off the couch.” 

Aziraphale scoffed, “You’ll do no such thing.” He pushed himself up, “I’ll go get a wet cloth and then we’ll cuddle until sleep finds us.” Aziraphale was sore but he wouldn’t risk Cowley thinking he needed to be on the couch. Aziraphale returned with a warm wet cloth and cleaned up before cuddling under the blankets together. Aziraphale sighed, “You said I was your first?” 

Crowley nodded as he reached over and tapped the lamp and it turned off. “First inside me like that, I haven’t really been with anyone like that. Right out of high school I would give blowjobs for cash, it wasn’t the best but it paid for my medicine which my parents said they’d refuse my inheritance fund if I paid for them with it.” 

“Inheritance fund?” Aziraphale asked unable to see Crowley’s expression but leaned on his chest listening to him breath and his heart was still beating faster than normal. 

“Yeah, So my grandma basically rewrote the medical textbook about eyes, how they worked which made eye surgery possible without blinding people, so she set funds aside for the next in our line that had eyes like hers.” Crowley took a deep breath, “I’ll get about a grand a month until I’m like seventy-five...well seventy-eight now, since they tried to withhold my money once they figured out I was continuing my transition to male. But a lawyer fixed them right up...They haven’t talked to me since.” Crowley turned holding Aziraphale closer, “They pulled that shit the same year I had schelded my top surgery, I had been expecting that money, I had the surgery scheduled over a year so I wasn’t just going to cancel it, besides I was worried my therapist would think I was having second thoughts and cancel my hormone therapy too. So...I had to borrow it from Beelzebub...which got me into the mess I’m in now.” He sighed leaning into Aziraphale as if trying to hide his face. 

Aziraphale kissed the top of Crowley’s head, “They don’t sound very pleasant, but you can have a new family here. Other than thinking you were some kind of criminal, I think my family would like you.” 

Crowley chuckled, “I’m sure they’ll think I ruined one of the Almighty’s perfect creations mutilating my body as I have.” 

“What?” Aziraphale sat up as he reached over Crowley and tapped the lamp until it was on it lowest setting. “Why would they think that?” Aziraphale asked confused on the subject. 

Crowley had closed his eyes as the room filled with light then he slowly opened them again. “Come on Angel. That’s what churchy types think of people like me. God made us perfect we shouldn’t want to change what is perfect.” Crowley laid back on his pillow staring at the ceiling. 

“I don’t think that.” Aziraphale said still sitting up, “I wouldn’t think of anyone who changed themselves for a better quality of life.” Crowley turned his head to look at him, “Like someone born deaf getting surgery so they can hear. Or people with bad vision wearing glasses, or someone who was born with a birth defect that needed surgery or something so they could live a happy, healthy life. You felt that genetics, or biology, failed you. So you did the human thing and fixed it. Anyone that looks down on you for that...isn’t a good person.” 

“How do you do that?” Crowley turned to face him sitting up a bit.

Aziraphale was confused, “Do what?” 

Crowley smiled, “You know just what to say to make me all misty eyes and...feeling good about myself.” 

Aziraphale leaned over and kissed Crowley feeling a little wet on his cheek . Aziraphale wiped the tears away, “Because I’m a good person...because I’m your Angel. But don’t trust that I’ll always know that to do or say...ok?” 

Crowley chuckled. “If you say so.” Aziraphale cuddled back into the bed holding onto Crowley. Crowley reached over turning the light off as they laid together sleep soon finding them in their embrace.


	5. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day

Crowley was pulled from unconsciousness by a slight pounding in the front of his brain, it meant either two things, he’d had too much light exposure or he’d gone to bed drunk. From what he could remember it was likely too much light. He slowly opened his eyes and quickly closed them as he felt like he might be blinded. He curled in on himself trying to get away from it. He felt a warm body next to him, he took a deep breath as the smell of vanilla and books and a linger of sex. He covered his head with the heavy blanket and moved closer to the body next to him. “Angel?” he whispered as his brain woke up, enough for him to remember what had happened last night. 

“Good Morning, love.” Aziraphale said right before he stretched and yawned. “Oh dear.” Crowley felt Aziraphale move getting out of bed, Crowley wanted to reach for him to stay. “Here that should be better.” Crowley peeked out as the room looked a lot darker. “I’ll go get your sunglasses.” and Crowley heard footsteps leaving the room. 

Crowley stretched before pushing the blankets off. Aziraphale had closed the blinds so only a small ray of the morning light crept into the room. Crowley looked around the room, then rubbed his head, “Bloody hell.” Then the sound of footsteps returned and Crowley was glad he’d gotten out of the blankets to the view he’d gotten. Aziraphale was in a pure white robe that was just hanging off his shoulders but not closed. “That's a view I’ll never tire of.” Crowley leaned back on the bed as Aziraphale blushed walking over to give him his glasses.

Crowley took them but didn’t put them on, and pat the bed next to him. Aziraphale leaned over kissing him, “I would love but I need to get ready for work.” 

“Work? I thought you had today off?” Crowley asked as Aziraphale slipped out of his robe and started going through his closet. 

“I did but then I called Anathema in to cover the end of my shift, so I could check on you. I told her I’d cover the second part of her shift today to make up for it.” Once he had pants on, he walked around the room picking up the clothes they’d thrown around the night before. 

Crowley sighed scratching the back of his head, “I’m sorry I made you worry.” 

Aziraphale shook his head as he folded Crowley’s clothes and put them on the dressure. “Thank you. And you could do me a big favor and not do it again.” 

Crowley nodded, “I’ll do my best.” He slipped out of bed and stopped as the soreness hit him, “Oh.” he leaned over for a second and then stood up straight. “That’s smarts.” he puts his sunglasses on. 

Aziraphale looked over worried, “Are you ok?” 

Crowley nodded, “Yeah just a bit sore.” He walked over and embraced Aziraphale, “But it’s a good sore.” He released Aziraphale grabbing his pants from the dressur. He slipped them on heading out to the kitchen. 

Crowley looked around the kitchen looking for pans and stuff to make them some breakfast. Aziraphale might have been completely organized with his books but this kitchen was a disaster. Cups, plates, and pans all shoved haphazardly in a cupboard with some random spices. Crowley sighed thinking he’d fix this mess while Aziraphale was at work, it wasn’t long until scrambled eggs and bacon where cooking up nicely. Crowley was making sure the eggs didn’t burn as Aziraphale walked out fully dressed. Some people might think Aziraphale just wore the same clothes day in and out but the fact was that he just knew what he liked so his clothes was a tidal wave of creams, tans and whites with splashes of tartan. 

“Oh, Crowley you didn’t need to make breakfast. I was…” 

Crowley cut him off not looking away from the eggs he was tending too, “Just going to stop by Sheri’s and get a coffee cake? Aziraphale I love you and I feel like you need a good breakfast to start your day.” 

Crowley smiled as arms wrapped around his waist and Aziraphale leaned his head on Crowley’s back, “Can’t argue with a beautiful half naked man wanting to make me breakfast.” 

“I knew you’d come around.” Crowley turned his head and Aziraphale leaned forward so they could share a quick kiss. “Would you grab some plates, I barely managed to find the pans in this kitchen.” 

Aziraphale kissed Crowley’s shoulder before he walked over to the dishwasher, opened it pulling out two plates, and silverware. “So what do you plan to do today?” 

Crowley licked his lips, “Thinking about fixing your disaster of a kitchen. I also have to call my lawyer and figure out if there is a way I can get my checks without having a physical one sent to me since that is now a liability.” 

Aziraphale set the plates next to Crowley who started to serve the eggs and bacon. “Crowley you don’t need to fix my kitchen. I can work on it when I get home.” 

“I’ll be here alone for four to five hours with nothing but my thoughts, it’ll be good to have a task to work on. I also know you’re not as touchy about your kitchen as your books so I won’t even bother to sort that mess out alone.” Crowley turned the stove off and handed Aziraphale one of the plates. Aziraphale took the offered plate and walked over to the table, which he had to move a pile of books so they both had room. 

“I guess I am sort of a mess.” Aziraphale sat down looking around the kitchen as if he was seeing it for the first time. 

Crowley sat down next to him. “You’ve been a bachelor for your whole life, until three months ago did you really have a reason to keep your place tidy?” He started to dig into his food. 

Aziraphale poked at his eggs and shook his head, “I guess when you put it that way, but I should have started to clean it once...we started to officially date.” 

Crowley reached over putting his hand on Aziraphale’s hand, “Fret not, Angel.” Crowley smiled, “Now eat up. It’ll taste better hot.” Aziraphale held Crowley’s hand as the two of them ate breakfast together. Once their plates where clear Aziraphale started to chuckle as he picked up their plates and went to put them in the sink. Crowley watched him and then said, “What’s so funny?” 

Aziraphale glanced back at him as he ran water over the plates, “I think couples usually make pancakes. At least in the movies they do.” 

Crowley leaned back in his seat, “Eggs and bacon is a better breakfast than pancakes but if you want I can make some tomorrow.” Crowley scratched his chin, “You’ll have to pick up some pancake mix. All you have is cake and brownie mix, Mister, I only eat cakes and sweets when I eat out.” 

Aziraphale rubbed his hands. “Does my weight bother you?” He had a melancholic tone. 

Crowley stood up walking over to him, “No it doesn’t. But ...” He turned Aziraphale around to face him, “I would like for you to take better care of yourself.” He cupped Aziraphale face looking into his lovely blue eyes. “I wouldn’t want you to get sick or hurt. We only have the time the Almighty has given us, and I would hate for the time for us to be together to be cut short for something we can control.”

Aziraphale nodded, “So, my weight doesn’t bother you, you just want me to be healthy to take better care of myself?” 

Crowley nodded, “Yes, 100%.” Crowley leaned in kissing Aziraphale. 

Aziraphale was smiling as Crowley pulled from the kiss. He finally nodded, “I’ll do my best...for you.” 

Crowley shook his head, “No, Angel, for us.” 

“For us.” Aziraphale leaned in for another kiss when his phone went off. He groaned pulling his phone from his pocket, turning the alarm off. “I better get going. Uhm.” Aziraphale looked around, “I’m sure you’ll find a way to keep yourself busy while I’m at work.” 

Crowley nodded, “Don’t worry about me. Go play with your books and I’ll see you when you get home.” 

Aziraphale nodded giving Crowley a goodbye kiss before picking his winter coat up and heading out the door. Crowley smirked watching him go and then looked around the kitchen. This might take a while. He rubbed his head and started the task. 

Crowley sat crossed leg at the kitchen table reading a book he’d found about rare plants in Africa while the kitchen floor dried. He had spent the last four hours cleaning Aziraphale’s kitchen. Collecting all the cups around the small apartment made him wonder if Aziraphale just bought new cups instead of cleaning them. Scrubbing the walls, counters, and refrigerator, which he had to go to the local hardware store and bought some super cleaner, two different grades of scrubs, some gloves, and a mask so he wouldn’t breathe in too much of the chemicals. He sorted the pots and pans in one spot, the plates and bowls in their own spot and all of the cups took up the most space. 

The front door opened and Aziraphale called out, “Crowley. I’m home!” 

Crowley looked up from his book, “Welcome home, Angel. Be mindful of the kitchen floor, it is still drying.” 

Aziraphale walked into the entrance of the kitchen and dropped the bags of food he had. “Crowley?” his jaw dropped as he looked around. “Thi...is...I…” He swallowed not able to get his words out. 

Crowley put the book on the clear and clean kitchen table. “Sorry for the chemical smell. I have the windows all open but there isn’t very good airflow. Also I put the books from here into the other bedroom. I can show you where I put them.” 

Aziraphale cleared his throat, “Crowley this is too much. I don’t think I remember when the kitchen was this clean...though I’m sure it might have been the first year I lived here.” Aziraphale looked down at the sparkling white floor before he slipped his shoes and socks off before carefully walking over to Crowley. Looking behind him making sure he wasn’t ruining all of Crowley’s hard work. 

Crowley stood up, “Here I’ll show you.” He brushes off Aziraphale worry and opened a cupboard, “Pots and pans.” he closed it and opened another one. “Plates and bowls.” And then he closed that one and opened the last one, “And enough tea cups to have your own tea shop.” Crowley smiled at the all the tea cups, some had to be stacked to fit. He walked over to the fridge, he opened it and even the inside was white. “You had some expired food that I threw out.” He turned back to Aziraphale who was in tears. “Aziraphale?” He was worried that maybe he’d thrown something out that Aziraphale had been keeping. 

Aziraphale walked over and hugged him. He was shaking, digging his head into Crowley’s neck. Crowley held him not sure why the other was crying but he held him until Aziraphale found his voice. “Crowley I...could never repay you for...all of this.” 

Crowley chuckled, “No Aziraphale I could never repay you...for your love and acceptance of me. Besides, I didn’t do this for you, or me...I did this for us.” 

Aziraphale took a deep breath lifting his head from Crowley’s shoulder, “I love you.” 

Crowley kissed Aziraphale cheek tasting the salty tears that had fallen from his blue eyes. “I love you too.” Crowley tugged at Aziraphale’s coat, “Now go change and you can help me tackle the living room.” 

Aziraphale laughed and then glanced at the living room, “Only fair that the living room look equally nice.” He squeezed Crowley’s hand before heading to the room to change. Crowley looked down at the shopping bags Aziraphale had dropped and sighed, picking them up and putting the food away. 

Aziraphale returned in some light gray sweatpants and a loose fitting gray shirt. “I’ve never seen you wear that before.” Crowley peeked at Aziraphale over his sunglasses. 

Aziraphale blushed a bit, “They are the workout clothes Gabriel got me years ago. I’ve never worn them before.” He looked down at himself. Aziraphale walked over picking a stack of books to start on. “He’s been trying to get me to start jogging with him since I got out of High School.” 

Crowley made an acknowledging sound as he found another tea cup he’d somehow missed. “Why haven’t you?” He looked around trying to figure out how he had missed this cup. 

Aziraphale started sorting the books, “Gabriel had always been fit and...I feel like I would just slow him down. Besides I don’t really care for the idea of being all sweaty.” 

Crowley slowly walked past him, “I don’t know, all sweaty...sounds like a good reason to come home and take a cool shower. Maybe ask your boyfriend to...clean you up.” Crowley licked his lips as he walked into the kitchen hoping for the right encouragement for Aziraphale. He looked at the dirty tea cup with a dark ring about half way. He put it in the dishwasher and returned to the living room. Aziraphale was just staring at him book in hand, if Crowley wasn’t sure he just short circuited Aziraphale’s brain, he would think that the other might hit him with said book. 

Crowley chuckled as he started to dust the bookshelves. Aziraphale slowly started sorting the books again. “So..uhm Crowley.” Aziraphale finally started talking again after almost twenty minutes of silence. “I was...doing some research at work.” 

”Research? What kind of research?” Crowley flicked the dust towel he had. 

“Well. I...not to be...disrespectful but I was looking up...heterosexual...techniques and...stuff.” Crowley had to hold in a laugh. Aziraphale had a guilty-kicked puppy look. 

Even though Aziraphale was clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, but not because of himself, but because he was worried about its effect on Crowley, he was having it. He’d looked it up, never mind that he should have been working, but it just made Crowley fall even more in love with the soft Angel. “You were looking at sex books when you should have been working?” Crowley said when it felt like Aziraphale wasn’t going to go on without some prompt. 

Aziraphale swallowed then nodded, “It was a slow day...but besides that...I was. I wanted to make sure the next time we, had sex. I was a little bit better prepared. I had a wonderful time last night but...I would have felt better knowing what I was doing.” 

Crowley smiled and walked over sitting on the arm of the couch. “So what did you find out?” 

Aziraphale had a concerned look on his face “Well, not to make you feel bad but...none of the books I could found...well. Looked like you...uhm down there.” He pointed awkwardly down like Crowley wouldn’t know what he was talking about. 

Crowley crossed his arms and leaned back, “Really? Uhm...Angel. Pull out your phone and look up the effects of testosterone on the female body.” 

Aziraphale pulled out his phone and searched. He scrolled through some then he stopped and jerked his head back like he wasn’t sure what he was reading, which to someone like Aziraphale is a pretty funny look. “Enlarged...uhm. Oh.” he pushed on his phone. “Oh that looks...more what...I was looking for.” He closed his phone face very red. “I guess I was reading the wrong books.” 

Crowley enjoyed watching Aziraphale reactions, “No, they where the right books, they just assume that heterosexuals are having sex with with others that were that gender at birth. The techniques are the same, but are not the end all be all. We can still do, other stuff.” Crowley flicked the dust rag in his hand once more before putting it down on the couch, “Tell me something you want to do, sexually...but you think because I’m lacking the parts, we can’t?” 

Aziraphale shifted his stance a little then looked down at the closest book. “Well.” He cleared his throat then finally looked at Crowley, “I would...like to be penetrated...to have you inside me…” He looked to get a bit of confidence having finally said it, “I always saw myself being the submissive in the relationship. Even before ...the other day. I thought...more often that I should, about you pinning me to the bed and...having your way with me.” He waved his arm being dramatic. He took a deep breath and turned his head, leaning on the books in front of him. 

Crowley slowly stood up walking over to Aziraphale, “Aziraphale look at me.” Aziraphale tensed then slowly turned his head. Crowley took his sunglasses off. “Just because you’re putting your dick into me doesn’t make me sub or you dom. That isn’t how that works, for starters. Next...if you want me to pin you down and fuck you. That is what I shall do.” 

“But..” Aziraphale started but Crowley put his hand up. 

Crowley put his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder, “Trust me.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “So now?” He leaned on Crowley’s head reaching up scratching the back of Crowley’s head. 

Crowley hummed, “I’d love too, but I’m still a bit sore from last night, and tired from cleaning today.” He kissed Aziraphale neck. “Give me a few days and I’ll really have my way with you.” Crowley felt Aziraphale shiver. “Maybe we should clean another day. Do you want to go grab a bite or I can make something here?” 

Aziraphale huffed, “It’s still very cold outside. We can make something here. I…Oh the food!” He turned towards the kitchen but didn’t see the bag of food. 

Crowley pat Aziraphale’s shoulders. “I got it.” 

Aziraphale rubbed his head, “It wouldn’t be the first time I forgot food and it spoiled. How did I manage without you.” 

Crowley walked backwards into the kitchen, “Only you can answer that one.” He chuckled as he turned towards the fridge to make them some food. Aziraphale joined him as they worked to make them a nice meal.


	6. Working out

Aziraphale stopped, trying to catch his breath. He was out at the park trying to get at least a mile run done. There was still plenty of snow on the ground but it was a few days old and all of the ice had melted. He thought about calling Crowley to come get him then he remembered the bath and chocolate treat that was waiting for him at home. “Aziraphale?” a familiar voice called his name. 

Aziraphale turned as his older brother Gabriel walked over to him. He was in his gray workout clothes, “Oh... Gab...riel.” Aziraphale straighten himself out taking a deep breath. 

Gabriel stopped next to him. “Are...those the workout clothes I gave you?” He touched Aziraphale shoulder, “Brother are you...working out?” His voice grew with excitement. 

“Trying too.” Aziraphale huffed out. “I’ve been trying to jog or at least power walk a mile every other day. I tell you I thought it would start to get easier by now.” Aziraphale saw a park bench clear of snow thinking about taking a short break. 

“Amazing.” Gabriel said, “How long have you been at it?” 

Aziraphale shrugged, “Oh about two weeks now. I don’t make it out as often usually because of work but I have also been learning to dance, which is a workout in itself.” 

Gabriel blinked looking shocked, “Who are you and what have you done with Azira.” He teased giving him playful punches to the arm. “Dancing. Wow I never...just wow.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Crowley asked me to the Winter dance up at the college so...after I told him I didn’t know how to dance; We’ve been practicing so we don’t make fools of ourselves.” 

Gabriel nodded, “Well I’m very proud of you. Are you almost done with your mile. I could join you...or you could push yourself to two and join me for the rest of my track.” 

Aziraphale stretched his back not expecting Gabriel to want to jog with him, “Oh I’m hopefully almost done.” He pulled out the walking tracker he’d picked up. “Looks like I have about a quarter mile left. One more time around the short loop and then heading home should be my mile.” 

“Perfect. I’ll join you.” Gabriel checked his watch. 

Aziraphale knew there wasn’t much he could say to sawy Gabriel’s mind once it was made. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text to Crowley to not be naked in case Gabriel wanted to come visit. Once he sent the text he pocketed his phone. “Ready.” he said as he started to power walk. He was happily surprised that Gabriel kept pace with him. He was sure his brother could run circles around him. Gabriel started talking about his work as they made the loop and then headed to Aziraphale home. 

As they walked up the pathway Aziraphale was glad that Gabriel had joined him. It was nice to have someone to run with, he felt a pin of guilt since Gabriel had been asking Aziraphale to join him for years. Aziraphale was a little out of breath but not as bad as he’d been the first few times. Aziraphale opened the door and peeked in hoping Crowley had gotten his text. 

He didn’t see Crowley so he walked in and called out, “Crowley I’m home.” he looked around not seeing the other. 

“What in the name of the Almighty happened here?” Gabriel was frozen at the entrance. 

Aziraphale glanced around and remembered the last time Gabriel had been in his house. The front room was cleaned, a large wall sized bookshelf covered the back wall where most of his books were sorted, there wasn’t random tea cups scattered throughout the room. “Oh yes. Crowley had been, taking care of the house while I’ve been at work. I told him he didn’t need to but he kept insisting he’d go mad with nothing to do while I wasn’t home.” 

“Aziraphale..this is.” Gabriel put his hand under his chin holding it. “I don’t have words. I know I didn’t have a very good impression of Crowley, but if this is the sort of life style he’s encouraging you to have then he’d got a good mark in my book.” Gabriel pointed and walked over to the large bookshelf, “We got this for you for your 21st birthday, since you didn’t want to go to the bar.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Yes, it’s been sitting in the closet since. Crowley found it when he was sorting the books from the spare room and the next day he started building it.” Aziraphale wasn’t sure where Crowley was, maybe he’d taken off when he got the text that Gabriel might come over. “Oh would you like something to drink?” Aziraphale almost forgot his manners. 

He walked into the kitchen and Gabriel followed still looking around like he was in someone else's house. “Just some water will do.” 

Aziraphale opened the fridge and saw the note.

“Angel, if I’m not home yet I got a call from Mrs. Fuller. She fell off her bed and needed help. Also going to check on my car. Give me a call if you get this note. Love C.” 

“Angel?” Gabriel said making Aziraphale jump, he’d forgotten Gabriel had a habit of sneaking up on people.

“Oh yes. When we first met, Crowley forgot my name but he remembered it was an angelic name so he started just calling me Angel.” Aziraphale opened the fridge and got the pitcher of filtered water out and set it on the counter and got a glass. 

Aziraphale handed a glass to Gabriel, Gabriel took a drink, “Thanks. I’m looking forward to meeting Crowley. Will you be bringing him to Christmas?” 

Aziraphale tried not to think about the fact that he’d been sitting with Crowley every Sunday at church since they’d met, or when the weather would permit the farmer’s market to be open and they would walk around holding hands. “I haven’t brought it up. I still wasn’t sure what the plans where.” 

Gabriel took another drink and walked over to the table and took a seat. “Raphael got that new hot tub so I think the general plan was to have it at her place. Mom should be flying back from her mission the week before. I’m having my kitchen remodeled so my place is out. Michael’s is full of police work that she shouldn’t have at home anyway, and Uriel’s place isn’t big enough for everyone.” He took a drink and then looked around, “Though maybe we should have it here so everyone can see what a wonderful improvement you’ve done.” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “Oh no, I think Raphael's place is better. I’m excited for the hot tub. Uhm...will her husband be there?” 

Gabriel raised his eyebrow, “John? I don’t know, you know he travels so much. I can check...I know the kids will be there.” 

Aziraphale nodded as he drinks his glass of water. He’d had the biggest crush on John back in High school. Aziraphale had finally gotten the courage to ask him out and was laughed at. Not only by John but all of his friends had joined in. If it wasn’t for Raphael stepping in Aziraphale might have been bullied about it the rest of his senior year. They’d gotten married two years later. “That would be...grand.” Aziraphale took another drink before putting the glass down. “I better call Crowley and make sure he’s ok.” 

Gabriel nodded as Aziraphale walked out of the kitchen to call, “Angel.” Crowley voice answered. 

Aziraphale smiled, “Hey love, I just got home. Is everything ok?”

“Oh yeah, I’m just taking Mrs. Fuller’s home. She fell out of bed. “ Aziraphale could heard something in the background. “It’s just Aziraphale, he won’t tell anyone.” Crowley said a bit away from the phone. “Anyway. I took her to the doctors to have her looked over but she’s as healthy as a horse” 

Aziraphale sat down on the couch, “That is good to hear. Did you get my text?” 

“Text?” Crowley asked then a moment later, “I don’t have a text from you Angel. What is going on?” 

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes and then looked at his phone. He blushed realizing he’s sent it to Anathema. He quickly texted her to ignore the text he’s sent it wrong. Then put the phone back to his ear. “Sorry I...sent it to the wrong person. Basically Gabriel saw me, out, and asked to join me. Wanted to give you a heads up...in case you were, in your usual attire when I get home from my runs.” 

Crowley laughed, “Good thing I wasn’t home then. I should be back soon. Just pulled up to Hogback.” Aziraphale could hear a door opening. “Hold on Mrs. Fuller, I’ll help you up.” 

“I’m fine Anthony. I’ll call you if I need anything else.” Mrs. Fuller huffed. 

“Alrighty.” Crowley called out to her as the car door closed. “Heading home now. I’ll see you soon Angel.” 

“You can park the Bentley in slot 4.” Aziraphale took a deep breath. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Crowley said before hanging up.

Aziraphale stared at his phone. He was glad that Crowley would have his car here. It was just another step for it feeling like home for Crowley. Aziraphale looked up hearing Gabriel clear his throat. “Is everything ok?” 

Aziraphale nodded putting his phone down, “Oh yes. He just made sure Mrs. Fuller was ok. He’s on his way back now.” 

Gabriel walked over and sat next to Aziraphale, “I..” He started and then sighed, “I know, I haven’t always been the best Brother, I could be. But I just want you to know that I think this, whatever you have with Crowley. Is good. I’m happy for you.” Gabriel put his hand on Aziraphale shoulder, “We...the family and myself...we’ve been worried about you. You spend so much time alone with your books. I’m happy to see you getting out, having a clean house. I don’t want you to forget it even if things don’t work out with Crowley, Okay?” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Thanks Gabriel.” He didn’t know what else to say, he’d hope to spend the rest of his life with Crowley but Gabriel was right, even if things somehow didn’t work, he couldn’t fall back into the darkness he hadn’t even known he was lost in. The Bentley’s horn blasted as the classic car drove pass and around back to the parking lot. Aziraphale chuckled, “Show off.” 

Gabriel glanced towards the door as it opened and Crowley came strutting in. “Angel, I’m home.” He stretched his arms out. 

Aziraphale stood up walking over to him, embracing Crowley. It was just a quick hug and then Aziraphale turned towards Gabriel, “I’m sure you two have seen each other around but Crowley, this is my brother Gabriel. Gabriel this is my boyfriend, Anthony Crowley.” 

Gabriel walked over extending his hand, “It’s nice to officially met you. Uhm do you prefer Anthony or Crowley?”

Crowley shook Gabriel’s hand, “Crowley, please, it’s nice to meet you as well. Aziraphale has told me a lot about you.” 

Gabriel forced a smile as if he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, “Wonderful. We were just discussing Christmas plans.” 

Crowley nodded, “Oh yeah that’s coming up isn’t it.” 

“Yes. I was asking Aziraphale if you’d be joining us. I wasn’t sure if maybe you’d go visit your own family.” Gabriel put his hands behind his back, much like he’d do when interrogating a witness in court. 

Crowley shrugged his shoulders, “Not really on good terms with my folks, this is the first I’ve heard about it.”

Aziraphale nodded, “This is the first I’ve heard too. What I’ve gotten so far is we’re planning on going to Raphael's place to celebrate. She got a hot tub large enough to fit most of the family. I know she’s been talking for months about inviting us over for a barbeque once the weather turns.” 

Crowley smiled, “Hot tubbing in the snow. That sounds like fun.” 

Gabriel nodded sharply, “We look forward to having you there. Well I better be going. It was a pleasure to meet you, Crowley. Have a good day, both of you.” and with that Gabriel walked out. 

The door closed and Crowley had turned watching the door close, “I see what you mean.” Crowley swallowed and slipped his glasses off, “I think he might need to get laid.” 

Aziraphale laughed. “I can’t imagine, wouldn’t be much fun having sex with that metal rod up his ass.” he blushed a bit not knowing where that had come from. 

Crowley laughed as he walked over and kissed Aziraphale, “You’re adorable. Did you find your treat?” 

“I thought you were my treat?” Aziraphale teased, he’d seen the cake in the fridge but hadn’t wanted to bring any attention to it with Gabriel there. 

Crowley hummed, “If you’re up for it, maybe you should go get yourself ready for me.” He whispered in Aziraphale ear. 

Aziraphale smiled as he turned heading to the bedroom. He wasn’t as tired as he had been on his walks and was looking for another workout. He went into the room and turned the side light to its lowest setting and double checked the blinds making sure they blocked as much light as possible. He slipped out of his clothes and put them in the bin to be washed later. He walked over to the full length mirror that he uses to keep tucked in the closet because he couldn’t stand to look at himself, but Crowley had hung it up and in red and black markers wrote ‘You are loved.’ and ‘Beautiful Angel’ with hearts and stars. Even in the few weeks he’d been working out he felt his pants a little looser and he had more energy, he still got tired but his recovery from being tired was quickened. He pushed against his belly as the door opened and Crowley leaned on the doorway watching him. 

Crowley had his glasses off and he was chewing on one of the ends, Aziraphale felt himself blush. He could drink up the look Crowley always gave him. Crowley walked over pulling Aziraphale into a kiss. He opened his mouth licking Aziraphale lips as Aziraphale opened his mouth as they deepened the kiss tasting each others. Red lips and panting was what finally broke their kiss and Crowley smirked, “You ready to let me have my way with you?” 

“Yes, Please.” Aziraphale said as he moved towards the bed, “How do you want me?” 

Crowley walked over to the side table and opened it, “So you’re comfortable.” 

Aziraphale nodded as he turned, getting on his hands and knees on the bed. As much as he would love to watch Crowley, he knew holding his legs up would be painful after a short time. He’d felt himself shiver as Crowley ran his hand over his lower back. The Aziraphale saw his shirt and pants get tossed on the end of the bed. Aziraphale forced himself to relax as he felt Crowley’s hot breath on his back followed by a slick tongue across his ass. Aziraphale moaned as he rested his head on the bed and Crowley licked him pushing against the thigh muscles, then a long finger pushed into him. “Oh yes.” Aziraphale moaned as he forced himself to allow Crowley to stretch him. 

Cold lube was added with the second finger making Aziraphale do his best to look behind himself. He rocked his hips as Crowley fucked him with his fingers getting him stretched and ready. “Such a thirsty Angel. Rocking against me, you ready for more?” Crowley asked. 

Aziraphale moaned, “Heavens yes.” Crowley had shown him the dildo and harness that he’d gotten to properly fuck Aziraphale and just thinking about it made Aziraphale’s heart start to race. Shock went through Aziraphale body as Crowley pushed against the sensitive nerves that felt so good. “Fuck.” Aziraphale tensed a bit as the pleasure overwhelmed him. 

“Oh such a dirty Angel. I hope you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth.” Crowley chuckled adding another finger. 

Aziraphale chuckled, “Maybe if you get your face over here I can kiss you.” Aziraphale closed his eyes as he felt his body stretching then Crowley’s fingers left him and Aziraphale braced for the dildo and Crowley laid down in front of him. 

Aziraphale looked at Crowley laying before him in all his toned glory. The light blue didlo still strapped to his midsection. “Come on Angle.” Crowley pat his hips. “You wanted to kiss me, yes?”

Aziraphale sat up, “Crowley I can’t...I can’t sit on you I’m too...heavy. I could hurt you.” 

“It’ll be fine. Angel. Come on.” He sat up and reached over. Aziraphale slowly sat up taking Crowley’s hands as he was lead over. He slowly squatted and he could already feel his legs pain at the unfamiliar position. “Get our knees on the bed, you won't be able to stay up long like that.” 

Crowley supported Aziraphale as he adjusted his position and slowly sank down the dildo slipping into him. “Oh ah.” Aziraphale bit his lip as he sat down completely. 

“That feel good, my Angel?” Crowley ran his hands up and down Aziraphale thighs. 

Aziraphale opened his eyes looking down, “Yes.” He was trying to breath through the last bit of stretch from Crowley’s fingers to the dildo. “I’m...not too much for you?” Aziraphale tried to not put too much of his weight on Crowley.

Crowley reached up and Aziraphale leaned over kissing him as he starts to rock his hips thrusting slowly. Aziraphale knew he wouldn’t last long like this. His cock pressed between them, Crowley fucking him and his deep longing kiss. Aziraphale hoped this was what Heaven was like because he couldn’t think of a better place to be. Aziraphale felt Crowley tap his arm and Aziraphale pulled from the kiss. “Lets roll over. I can fuck you harder on your back.” 

Aziraphale felt like it was a polite way to tell him to get off but he nodded as they rolled over and Crowley repositioned himself hooking Aziraphale legs over his shoulders and started thrusting hard and fast. Aziraphale cried out in pleasure. He room filled with the sound of sex as Aziraphale reached his edge spilling cum all over himself. Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale legs just staring down at him. His serpentin eyes scanning Aziraphale body. Aziraphale took two deep breaths. “Told you I’d be too heavy for you.” he turned his head to the side not wanting to look at Crowley. 

Crowley slapped Aziraphale leg making him look at him. “None of that. It was a bad angle, and without you having the leg strength to help me, I could only guess you weren’t getting as much as you deserve.” Crowley released Aziraphale and crawled to lay next to him he started to unstrap the harness and set the strap-on to the side. 

Aziraphale sat up and reached for the wet wipes they now kept in the side table. He cleaned himself up, “You know it wouldn’t bother me if my weight was a problem.” 

Crowley rolled to his side facing Aziraphale, “Does my weight bother you?” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “No. Why would you think that?”Aziraphale rubbed his belly trying to make sure he was checking if he’d gotten all the cum off but he was really self conscious about his size. 

Crowley sat up and wrapped his arms around Aziraphale, “Well just so you know I’m underweight for my height. My doctors say I should be fifteen to twenty pounds more for a male at my height.”

Aziraphale stopped himself asking if he was the correct weight for a female. “I’m more than twenty pounds over my height.” 

Crowley chuckled, “Then I guess the only thing to do...is eat it off you.” Crowley snapped at Aziraphale neck as he started tickling him. 

“No Crowley! Stop!” Aziraphale laughed as he tried to escape the playful attack. They rolled around on the bed playing trying to reach the other’s soft spots. It didn’t last long as they both ran out of breath, laughing laying next to each other. “I love you.” Aziraphale said turning to face Crowley. 

Crowley leaned over and kissed Aziraphale’s nose. “Love you too. So how about I make us some dinner. Then we can dig into that cake I made for you.” 

Aziraphale squinted his face at the kiss. “Sounds like a plan.” They slowly got out of bed and put some pants on before going to the kitchen to make dinner.


	7. Winter Dance

Crowley opened the door to the Bentley for Aziraphale. He was dressed in a new black blazer with a light gray undershirt and slacks. They weren’t as tight as he usually liked to wear them but they still looked good. Aziraphale was in a new suit as well, bright white that Crowley had tried to talk him out of, because white was so hard to keep clean, but he was defeated by Aziraphale’s puppy eyes. Crowley offered his arm as the two of them walked toward the college’s gym where the Winter Dance was going on. Aziraphale handed over the tickets at the entrance and they made their way in. The gym was decorated in blues and whites with large silver snowflakes hanging from the ceiling that reflected the lights. Crowley was glad not to see any overly religious displays around, mostly snow and ice. It wasn’t that he disliked it, the holiday just picked at wounds he thought had long healed. “Beautiful.” he heard Aziraphale whisper looking around. “They have truly outdone themselves.” 

Crowley nodded, “You’d hardly know it was a gym if it didn’t have a big sign out front.” He lead Aziraphale deeper into the room. To one side were a few tables, where those that didn’t want to dance could sit and mingle, while the other side was for dancing. “So what would you like to do first?” 

Aziraphale looked around, “Oh Anathema should be here with Newt.” 

“Is his name really Newt? Or is it like a nickname like when I call you Angel?” Crowley asked as he looked around, he was sure he remembered what Anathema looked like. 

Aziraphale chuckled, “No, it’s Newton, everyone just shortens it. Like they do with my name.” Aziraphale joined their hands, “Oh I see them.” He started to lead Crowley to the couple sitting at a far table. Anathema spotted them and started waving as if they hadn’t already been on their way over. She stood up, she was wearing a long dark velvet blue dress. “Azira!” She walked over as Aziraphale released Crowley and gave her a hug as if they hadn’t seen each other a few days ago at work. 

Newt stood up walking over, “Hey.” he said barely above a whisper as if he wasn’t sure if he could speak or not. 

Aziraphale smiled shaking Newt’s hand. “It’s wonderful to see you. How have you been?” 

Newt swallowed, “Doing ok. Just got into some, computer classes here at the college. It was Anathema’s idea.” 

Anathema put her hands on her hips, “You must be Crowley. It’s good to finally meet you.” She offered her hand to shake. 

Crowley nodded, “Likewise.” He kissed her hand and she blushed a bit at the tip of her ears. Aziraphale reached down taking Crowley’s hand in a possessive way, which was cute. “Dear would you...get us some drinks?” Aziraphale asked gently squeezing his hand. 

Crowley chuckled, “Anything.” He leaned over kissing Aziraphale, making the other blush, before walking off to the food bar. He looked over the table of food, snagged a plate and started to pile it with some cakes and chocolate for Aziraphale and an apple for himself before returning with food and drinks. 

Crowley returned setting the drink and plate in front of Aziraphale whom was sitting next to Anathema. Aziraphale eyes widen with joy as he turned to give Crowley a wonderful smile, “You read my mind.” He picked up the apple handing it to Crowley as he started to sample the cakes. 

Crowley bit into the apple as Anathema smiled, “You two are adorable. I’m so glad you could make it.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Me too.” He took a deep breath. 

Crowley swallowed and smiled, “This will be my first time coming with a partner. I used to sneak into high school dances and spike the punch.” 

“Crowley?!” Aziraphale turned to him. “I can’t believe you would do something like that?” 

Crowley smiled, “It wasn’t all I’d do. Usually find the saddest looking girl and ask her to dance with me. Made her feel good, then go get both of us a drink, spike it after getting our glasses. I wouldn’t make it too strong, wouldn’t want anyone to get a DUI or anything. Just enough to loosen up.” 

Newt nodded as if agreeing but didn’t say anything. Anathema looked impressed, “I’m sure you really made those girls night. I didn’t go to any dances until I started going to college.” 

Aziraphale sighed, “You could have really gotten someone in big trouble you know that right?” He picked up his cup and glanced at it before taking a small sip. “Though, I agree with Anathema, I bet you really made a great impression on those girls. I...wish something like that would have happened to me in High School. Maybe I wouldn’t be such a...well, like I am now.” 

Crowley smirked swallowing the rest of the apple he’d been chewing on, he put his apple core down and stood up. He straightened out his blazer and turned to face Aziraphale, “Sweet Angel, Guardian of the Eastern Gate.” He bowed and offered his hand, “Would you give this Serpent the honor of a dance?” putting as much love and adoration as he could into his tone. 

Crowley had to bite his cheek as the three of them started in shock. Aziraphale realized he needed to say or do something and took Crowley’s hand as he was lead to the dance floor. They had been practicing different dances but when they got to the dancefloor Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley’s waist and the two of them just swayed to the music. Aziraphale rested his head on Crowley’s shoulder as the two of them danced. Crowley rested his head on Aziraphale getting lost in the music and love in his arms. It was something he never thought he’d get to experience. He tighen his hold as the music faded and room returned he didn’t want the moment to end but Aziraphale leaned back and looked up a him. His eyes just a little red. “Angel?” Crowley asked worried. 

Aziraphale shook his head and rubbed his eyes, “I wish the words existed to fully express how happy you make me, Crowley. Anethame was right, meeting you at the festival was life changing.” He rested his head on Crowley’s chest as new music started. Crowley swallowed, his throat was tight and he couldn’t get words out so he leaned in kissing Aziraphale; Soft little kisses over his head and temples. 

Crowley pushed aside the anger in his heart that Aziraphale felt unworthy of affection, that though his life, someone, or multiple someones had teased and been cruel to the man now clinging to him as if he’d drown without him. Crowley felt himself starting to hum the song that was playing, it was a classic, but done slower and smoother than its original, Crowley didn’t think he was a good singer but he couldn’t help but sing softly,

“Like a river flows surely to the sea,   
darling so it goes,   
some things are meant to be  
Take my hand, take my whole life too,  
For I can't help falling in love with you.” 

Aziraphale looked up eyes wide, “Oh Crowley.” 

Crowley was glad his shades hid the tears he was trying not to shed. “Aziraphale, I love you. More than I thought I could ever love. As long as you allow me, I’ll stay by your side till the End of Days, and longer if possible.” 

Aziraphale had stopped swaying with Crowley, almost frozen in place. “Are you asking me to marry you?” 

Crowley tensed, “I...I don’t have a ring, or anything, but if you would.” Crowley nodded not able to say more. He hadn’t meant it to sound like a marriage proposal, he’d never even thought about marriage, but he could see himself marrying Aziraphale, waking up next to the other for the rest of his life. 

Aziraphale took a deep breath, “I don’t need a ring or anything. I just...hope I can be everything you want and need in...a husband.” 

“Just be you Aziraphale. That’s all I could ever desire.” He leaned in pulling Aziraphale into a deep kiss. 

Cheers broke their kiss as they realized they were surrounded by everyone including Anathema and Newt. Everyone was clapping and cheering. 

Aziraphale pushed his face into Crowley’s chest clearly embarrassed. Crowley shooed them off and Anathema cleared her throat, “Alright everyone! Show is over. Back to...whatever you where doing!” She pushed people away. 

Crowley put his hand on the back of Aziraphale neck, “Wow you weren’t kidding when you said the whole town had been trying to set you up.” 

Aziraphale took a deep breath, peeked out making sure everyone had gone, then he sighed, “I thought it was a bit of an exaggeration, but that was...something else.” 

Crowley laughed, “Come Angel, I think some fresh air is in order.” Aziraphale nodded as the two of them headed to the back door that was open for people. A very large man stood by the door making sure only attending guests could enter. Crowley lead Aziraphale to a small outcrop surrounded by a large broad leafy plant that Crowley was sure he should know what it was, but couldn’t think of anything, but Aziraphale asking if he’d proposed to him. 

“I’m sorry about that.” Aziraphale said looking out over the campus. “I...it was out of line. Thinking about it. You weren’t proposing to me. Why would you? If you want to pretend it didn’t happen that would...be ok.” Aziraphale rubbed the back of his hand like he did when he was nervous. 

Crowley walked behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, “That wasn’t my intent, but I would. I would drop to my knee right here. If you would say yes.” 

Aziraphale shivered and reached up cupping Crowley’s face. “Part of me would in a heartbeat, but...it’s just…” 

“Too Fast?” Crowley remembered their conversation after their first full week together. 

Aziraphale nodded, “I’m sorry. I made a fool of us.” Crowley could hear his voice strain, trying not to cry. 

“Bollocks, that had nothing to do with us, just think of how many people are cheering your happiness on.” Crowley tugged on Aziraphale to get him to look at him. Aziraphale slowly turned and Crowley took his sunglasses off. Staring into Aziraphale’s soft blue eyes, “Angel, I know, I go fast. In my life, in my car, but for you. I’ll wait. I’ll stand by you until you’re ready. You’re that important to me.” 

“Thank you.” Aziraphale said and cupped the back of Crowley’s head and pulled him into a kiss. Aziraphale leaned back, “I know. We haven’t been here long, but...I think I’d like to go home. We could cuddle up and I could read to you. Or...something.” 

Crowley nodded, “As long as you’re not just running away from them.” he waved towards the building, “I wanted to give you the magic night of dancing and dreaming you deserve.” 

Aziraphale laughed and it was an enchanting sound, “You asking me to dance, and leading me to the dancefloor was...enough magic for me. It was everything I ever hoped for.” 

Crowley nodded, “Alright, so you go say your goodbyes to Anathema and Newt. I’ll go spike the punch and we’ll meet up at the Bentley.” 

“Anthony J. Crowley you are not spiking the punch!” Aziraphale scold and Crowley laughed, seeing the softness vanish from Aziraphale’s eyes. 

“Oh you’re no fun.” Crowley couldn’t keep the smile from his face, “Alright, I won’t spike the punch.” Aziraphale gave him an ‘I don’t believe you’ look as he took Crowley’s hand and they returned to the gym. They found Anathema and Newt and said their goodbyes before leaving and heading home.


	8. Family Matters

The season slowly trailed on, they ended up not going to Christmas with Aziraphale’s family since their mother had gotten snowed in on her mission trip. So Aziraphale and Crowley spent a lovely evening in cuddling together reading a collection of holiday stories from around the world. 

Aziraphale had started going jogging with his brother, when the weather permitted it anyway. Crowley always worried when there was a possibility for ice. Crowley would go over, often when Aziraphale was at work, to make sure his own apartment was clean, his plants watered and that his neighbor Mrs. Fuller was eating well and taking care of herself. 

Crowley was just finishing up at his apartment which he started to wonder why he even bothered to keep it when the mail truck stopped. He sighed, remembering that he couldn’t risk Beelzebub knowing he was living with Aziraphale, “Afternoon.” he smiled at the mail carrier. 

The blond woman smiled at him, “Oh, Good Afternoon Mr. Crowley. Here is your mail.” she handed over a small stack.

“Much appreciation. Have a good rest of your day.” Crowley took his mail and headed towards the parked Bentley when his phone went off. He glanced at the screen as Aziraphale’s sweet face was displayed. He smiled as he answered, “Hey Angel.” 

“Dear could you come get me from work today? I just got a call from Raphael and...well she’s having some home problems and asked if I’d watch the boys while she took care of it.” 

Crowley opened the door to the Bentley, “Sure.” Crowley glanced at his watch, it was still about an hour until Aziraphale would be off work. “I’ll be waiting for you.” 

“I know you will. Please drive carefully.” Aziraphale answered,.

Crowley groaned, “Do I have too? You know how much I love watching people jump out of the way when they see me coming.” 

“If I get another nasty call from Michael about your speeding, you’ll be in deep trouble.” Aziraphale tried to sound threatening but it just came out cute. 

Crowley started the car, “Oh you going to spank me? Might be fun to give it a go.” 

Aziraphale coughed in surprise, “No. No...you’d enjoy that too much. See you soon my love.” 

Crowley chuckled, “Until then, Angel.” He hung the phone up and rested his head on the steering wheel. Then he left the apartment and when to cash his check, picked up a spiced chai for Aziraphale and a black coffee for himself before heading to the library. He glanced at his watch as he walked up the steps, Aziraphale had about twenty mins left of work. The coffee shop didn’t take as long as Crowley had hoped. 

Crowley walked in and a woman he recognized as another one of the library staff, though he wasn’t sure of her name was behind the counter, “I’m sorry sir, no food or drinks allowed in the Library.” She said in a cold tone. 

Crowley nodded, “I understand. I’m just here to pick up Azira. I figured he could use a pick me up.” 

“Oh you must be Crowley. If you leave your drinks here at the counter, you can go find him. He’d just putting some books away before his shift is over.” She didn’t have much expression and Crowley nodded setting the drinks behind the counter before heading out to find his Angel. 

Crowley walked down the rows of book peeking down each one until he heard some mumbling. “Make sure you put all your shifts books away.” Was said in a mocker tone and Crowley peeked around the next row spotting Aziraphale with an arm full of books. 

Crowley walked over, “Isn’t that your job, Angel?” 

Aziraphale jumped but then relaxed, “Oh, yes it is. It’s just Sara never puts her books away. Sometimes I feel like Anathema and myself are the only ones that do it.” Aziraphale looked over the row then took a deep breath. “I’m sure when I come in tomorrow there will be an untouched stack from today waiting for me.” 

Crowley took some of the books from Aziraphale, “You’re too good for this place, maybe someday we can open you a shop is Soho. You’ll have all the books you want.” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “You have to sell books in a shop. I don’t think I could part with them not knowing what sort of condition they were going into, but I do enjoy the idea.” Aziraphale picked up one of the books from Crowley as they wandered around putting them in their correct spot. Once the books returned; they grabbed their drinks and left heading over to Raphael's house. 

Raphael lived in a large house on the edge of town. Crowley was wondering if maybe they could get a chance to try out the hot tub since the whole Christmas thing had fallen though. Right before Aziraphale could knock there was a loud crash inside and a baby could be heard screaming it’s head off. Aziraphale opened the door rushing in. Crowley followed as a frantic looking Raphael was holding the screaming child as the other two boys were trying to kill each other. A large shelf had toppled over. Raphael turned, “Oh thank the Almighty, you’re here.” She quickly handed Aziraphale the screaming baby as she rushed over to try and separate the boys. 

Aziraphale had a panicked look as he tried to comfort the upset child. “Here Angel, give him to me.” Aziraphale didn’t question him handing the baby over. Aziraphale walked over trying to help Raphael and Crowley held the small baby, maybe barely six months old, he walked to the kitchen where there was less noise. It didn’t take long for the little guy to calm down and start to rest easily in Crowley’s arms. He smiled having missed when he’d have to take care of his own cousins when they were small. He swallowed know that was a different time, his mother had been preparing him to be a mother. He closed his eyes and leaned on the counter as the noise from the living room calmed down. 

Raphael walked in on her phone, “I don’t care what you and your brother are up too. You can’t just leave all the kids with me and leave. That isn’t how a family works!” Crowley rocked the baby in his arms hoping his disdressed mother wouldn’t upset him. Raphael was usually a lot more together than this but her husband’s brother had returned from out of nowhere and now he was hardly ever home to help with the kids. At least that was the story Aziraphale had told him on the drive over. Raphael turned spotting Crowley and she tensed, “Fine whatever. If you’re not going to be here for your children. You can just stay at your brother’s place.” She hung the phone up. And took a deep breath. “Thank you.” she said stiffly and reached out to take her child back. Crowley nodded carefully handing the baby over. 

Crowley shrugged, “No worries, I use to help with my cousins and stuff.” he felt like there was something different about Raphael, maybe she was still mad about her husband running of, “So where is Aziraphale?”

She held her son tightly and kissed his head as he cuddled into her. Raphael glanced towards the living room. “Az is making sure they stay in their timeout corners.” 

Crowley nodded as he walked into the living room. The place looked like a war zone, in the back corner Aziraphale was standing cross arms watching the two boys with their heads in opposite corners. Crowley walked over, “Any casualties?” he asked

Aziraphale sighed relaxing a bit. “Almost. I guess their father promised to take them next time he when out with his brother. And he left this morning and...well everything went downhill from there.” 

Crowley nodded, “So which one is older?” 

Aziraphale pointed to the young dark haired boy. “Castiel is.” 

Crowley nodded and walked over to him. “Castiel?” He stood behind the boy. Castiel turned slowly looking up, he had similar eyes as Aziraphale and Crowley nodded, “I know I’m not your dad but I would like to have a word with you.” 

Castiel glanced at Aziraphale who nodded as the young boy got up. Crowley touched his shoulder and lead him to the back yard. Castiel tried to pull a punk walk taking a seat in one of the lawn chairs. Crowley took his sunglasses off even though the sun hurt his eyes he knew it would at least leave an impression. “Are those your real eyes?” 

Crowley smiled, as the standoff attitude had left Castiel’s eyes and was replaced with curiosity. “Yep.” He walked over and sat down in a lawn chair next to the young boy. “I was born with them.” 

Castiel shifted in his seat, “Is that why you always wear those glasses?” Crowley nodded and Castiel tensed, “You’re going to yell at me?” 

Crowley shook his head, “No I’m not. I just thought you needed some fresh air. It’s been, from what your house looks like, a sort of crazy day for you.” 

Castiel narrowed his eyes, “It wouldn’t have been if Dad would have just taken me with him like he promised.” 

Crowley chuckled, “So your mom and brother’s have to suffer because your dad broke his promise?” Crowley leaned on the armrest looking over at Castiel, “Did you pull the bookshelf down?” Castiel nodded slowly. “That is very impressive for someone your size. What do you do for fun?” 

Castiel looked very confused, “Uhm...I use to play ball with Dad when he wasn’t at work, but since Uncle showed up...Dad’s been too busy to play.” 

Crowley nodded, “You know. Your Uncle Azira and myself could play Ball with you too? I know it’s not quite the same.” 

Castiel looked up quickly, “Really?” 

Crowley nodded, “Oh yeah. Or we could drive to London and visit the museums or the zoo. I have a very nice car that I love to drive all over the countryside. But…” Crowley put his finger up, “I won’t entertain naughty boys that don’t listen and help their mothers out. Life is hard, and unfair...you’re lucky to have a big family that cares for you. I didn’t have such luck.” 

Castiel leaned forward, “Mom says you and Uncle Az are dating. So you’re like an Uncle too, right?” 

Crowley leaned back in his chair, “I guess you could say that.” He was just waiting for Aziraphale to be ready for them to be more.

Crowley heard the lawnchair shift and Castiel got off it and climbed into Crowley’s lap. “Thanks for not yelling at me. I promise I’ll be good for mama.” The small boy smiled and hugged Crowley. 

Crowley hugged him back, “I’ll hold you to that, now I want you to go apologize to your Mother and Brothers and help us clean up the mess. Understand?” 

Castiel nodded as he climbed down and Crowley followed him into the house. “Az I can’t believe…” Raphael stopped as the two of them walked in. She wasn’t holding the baby anymore but had a worried look on her face. 

Castiel rubbed his hands together, “Mama.” He swallowed hard, “I’m sorry I was naughty and I made a mess.” he lowered his head looking at the ground.

Raphael's eyes widen with shock then she smiled tears starting to fill her eyes. “Oh my baby.” She walked over and got down on her knees hugging Castiel. “I’m so sorry your father broke his promise.” 

Castiel nodded as he wiped his tears away. “Mama, Uncle Crowley said that if I’m good, he’ll play ball with me if Dad is too busy.” 

“I wanna play too!” Castiel’s brother piped up from his corner. 

Crowley nodded, “You have to be a good boy, Dean.” 

Dean nodded, “Ok.” he turned looking back at the wall. 

Raphael slowly stood up. “I...I don’t know how I can thank you for helping me today.” 

“That’s what family does. We help each other. Now go find that wayward husband of yours, we’ll get this place cleaned up while you’re gone.” Crowley held his arms out and looked around the house.

Raphael glanced at Aziraphale and he nodded, “Yes, it’s what family does. Go on Raphael.” 

Raphael nodded and walked over and hugged Aziraphale and whispered something in his ear before she turned and grabbed her purse. “Sam has some bottles in the fridge if he starts getting fussy. Just heat up the bottles in the bottle warmer for a minute.” 

Crowley nodded seeing that Aziraphale looked on the edge of tears himself. “We got this right?” Crowley said looking down at Castiel and the boy cheered. Raphael nodded before rushing out. Crowley glanced at Aziraphale, “Hey are you ok?” 

Aziraphale nodded, reaching out and taking Crowley’s hand. “Yeah we can talk about it later.” He took a deep breath. “We should all get to work sorting this mess out.” 

“Can I help too?” Dean asked from his corner. 

“Yes. Come help Dean.” Aziraphale said as he rubbed his eyes and the four of them started to sort the house out. 

By the time Raphael had returned home the house was cleaned, Dean and Castiel were sitting at the kitchen island with a plate of grilled chicken and a helping of vegetables while Crowley held baby Sam with a bottle of milk in hand. Aziraphale was sitting with them reading Treasure Island as the boys ate. 

Raphael walked over and kissed Dean and Castiel’s head, “You boys being good?” 

Castiel nodded with a mouth full of food. Dean smiled, “Yep yep.” He stabbed his chicken with his fork taking a big bite. 

Raphael walked over to Crowley, “You two are Heaven sent.” 

Crowley nodded, keeping his voice low, “How did things go with your husband?” 

Raphael sighed, “Hopefully he’ll be home tomorrow. Crowley...I wanted to have a word with you.” Raphael glanced towards the living room and Crowley nodded following her. Aziraphale glanced at them but then kept reading to the boys. 

Once they were out of ear shot she turned, “I...wanted to apologize.” 

“For what?” He asked. 

Raphael rubbed her hands together in the same nervous way Aziraphale did, Crowley realized it must be a family trait when they were nervous. “After Michael told us you had a hit out on you. I...I hired a PI, I didn’t want anyone dangerous around, my family.” She swallowed, “I found out...that Anthony Crowley...didn’t exist ten years ago. I got angry and I confronted Az with it...because I couldn’t understand him wanting to...be with someone like you.” She wiped a tear from her eyes, “I said a lot of horrible things to Az, not wanting you around my children. But I was wrong, so wrong. I’m so sorry for...not understanding.” 

Crowley was a little shocked, he’d known that Raphael had been avoiding him after the whole hit thing had come out but he didn't know why, he wondered if Christmas had been canceled or if their invitation had been revoked. He walked over and laid Sam in his bassinet and walked over to Raphael. “Would you like a hug?” He opened his arms to her and she fell into him wrapping her arms around his waist, crying into his shoulders. 

He patted her back and held her as she cried out. “I’m so sorry, Please forgive me.” She sobbed into his shoulder. 

Crowley shook his head and pushed her back a bit to look into her eyes, “There is nothing you need to be forgiven for. You...didn’t understand and you wanted to protect your family. I’m glad you’ve seen your mistake. It takes courage to admit you were wrong.” Crowley grabbed some tissues from a tissue box on the side table and offered it to her, “I love Aziraphale, and in extension I love his family. Because my own, hate me, hate everything I am. I wish...that they would take the time to see me as you have.” 

Raphael nodded dabbing her eyes, “No matter what happens between you and Az, you’ll always have a family here.” She reached up and squeezed his shoulder. Then she walked back into the kitchen, “Alright boys lets finish eating and get ready for bed.” 

Castiel whined, “But Uncle Az isn’t finished.” 

Aziraphale marked the book. “Well I’m sure your Mother could finish at least another chapter before bed, or I can come over on my next day off and finish it for you.” 

The plates were mostly finished and Raphael chased them to get washed up for bed, “I’ll read you more if you go get ready for bed.” She smiled then walked over giving Aziraphale a hug. “Thank you again.” Aziraphale nodded and kissed her check. 

Crowley walked over and took Aziraphale’s hand, “Ready to head home love?” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Very much so. Goodbye Raphael. See you Sunday.” 

Crowley lead Aziraphale out of the house and down to the Bentley as they headed home. The ride was silent as they made their way through the small town. “Well that was fun.” Crowley finally said getting tired of the silence. 

Aziraphale nodded, “What did Raphael talk to you about?” 

Crowley sighed, “She wanted to apologize for being a transphobe, about how wrong she was about me.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “I figured, she said something similar to me earlier. Well, I mean she apologized for what she’d...said to me.” Crowley tapped his fingers over the steering wheel. He had people that had found out to be that way, rude, disrespectful, this part was new, having someone realize you’re not a monster and taking steps to repair their mistakes. “Remember when you...told me.” Aziraphale started, “that ‘church’ people thought you were ruining God’s perfection. I’d never heard that before until...Raphael's rant to me about you. I almost couldn’t believe those words where coming out of my cousin's mouth. It broke my heart.” 

Crowley reached over taking Aziraphale hand, “The important part is that she realized she did something wrong. It’s in the past now. Let’s...move on, ok Angel?” 

Aziraphale nodded taking a deep breath, “I agree. But onto another topic, how amazing you where with the kids. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sam stop crying so quickly. He has a strong set of lungs on him for sure.” Aziraphale turned in his seat just enough to face Crowley, “Have...you ever thought about having kids?” 

Crowley sighed, keeping his eyes on the road, “A long time ago. You know, they basically raise young girls to think they need to find a man and have a bunch of kids right out the door. But once I realized that it wasn’t the life I wanted... No I haven’t.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “I think you’d be a wonderful parent.” Aziraphale shifted in his seat, “I...I know you’ve been saving for your…” Crowley titled his head giving Aziraphale a side glance. Aziraphale looked at the road ahead of them, “Surgery.” He pushed on. “I was...wondering if you gave it any thought to have one before...you had everything taken out.” 

Crowley tensed still giving the road most of his attention, “No, I don’t want to. I’m not some baby making machine, Aziraphale.” He bit his tongue, he took a deep breath trying not to think about a very similar conversation with his own parents. Aziraphale wasn’t trying to be rude or spiteful, but it didn’t hurt any less. 

If Aziraphale heard the tone he wasn’t acting like it, “Oh I know that Dear, but you know, I read that eggs are not really affected by the Hormone Therapy so if you wanted we could...put them into someone else ...someone that would want to have our baby.” 

Crowley slammed on the breaks not noticing the red light and the couple walking across. They gave him a nasty look before rushing across. Aziraphale was holding the dashboard, Crowley growled, “Aziraphale can we not have this conversation right now.” He snapped. It had been a while but he was almost at his limit of remembering that he wasn’t right, that he had to go through extra steps to be normal, something he might never be. 

“Yes, Dear.” Aziraphale said as they fell back into silent for the small distance home. Crowley stopped in front of Aziraphale place and Aziraphale gave him an odd look, “You’re not coming in?” 

Crowley took a deep breath, “I’ll be back. I just. I need to clear my head.” 

Aziraphale looked like a kicked puppy, “Oh Crowley I upset you. It wasn’t my intent.” 

Crowley nodded, “I know. I just...I’m going to drive for a bit, I’ll be home before morning...ok?” 

Aziraphale nodded then leaned over and they shared a kiss, “I love you Crowley, no matter what you decide to do.” 

Crowley nodded, “I love you too.” It was the first time it felt forced and Crowley didn’t want it to be like that. “Don’t wait up for me. You do have work tomorrow.” 

Aziraphale nodded as he slowly got out of the car and the Bentley slowly drove off once he was on the sidewalk.


	9. Without you

Aziraphale stayed up later than he normally would waiting for Crowley to come home but as the clock showed after midnight he knew that staying up later would just make Crowley more upset. Aziraphale had tried to think over their conversation and he realized how insensitive it had been of him. 

Aziraphale glanced at the now cold cup of tea he’d made for himself but didn’t drink. “Just go to bed. Crowley will be home, when he’s ready.” Aziraphale told himself out loud then picked up the tea cup and walked it to the kitchen before heading to bed. The bed was too big, too cold for Aziraphale to find sleep easily. It felt like he hadn’t gotten any sleep when his alarm had gone off. He glanced to the other side of the bed, that was empty. Aziraphale tried to keep calm as he pulled himself from bed and rushed to the living room, maybe Crowley just hadn’t come to bed. He looked around the cold apartment, the stillness was heartbreaking. “Crowley?” Aziraphale called as the deep fear he’d tried to keep at bay flooded over him. He’d ran Crowley off. 

Aziraphale pat his hips as he started searching for his cell phone. He found it and had no missed calls or texts. He swallowed hard, then called Crowley, “Anthony J Crowley, you know what to do, do it in style.” Crowley’s voice message answered. 

Aziraphale took a deep breath, “Hey Crowley. I...I woke up and you’re not...here. I hope you’re ok. Listen if...I know I...what I said upset you. I’m sorry. Please come home. I...I love you so much and I would never...hurt you. Please...at least text me.” He wanted to say he understood if Crowley didn’t want anything to do with him, but he kept some hope that Crowley had just gone to his apartment and had fallen asleep. 

Aziraphale hung up and looked around his home, he didn’t have anything else he could do. Crowley’s apartment was too far for him to walk and make it to work on time. He looked at his phone and called Crowley’s neighbor Mrs. Fuller. He wasn’t sure if she was awake but she would know if Crowley was there. 

“Who is this!” She growled. 

Aziraphale tensed, “I’m so sorry for calling so early Mrs. Fuller, It’s Azira...I was wondering if Anthony was, home. He’s not answering his phone.” 

The older voice grew sweet, “Oh Azira. It’s wonderful to hear from you. I’m not sure if Anthony is home. If so he didn’t come see me.” Aziraphale heard some grunting as the older woman stood up. “I don’t see his car here. Is everything ok?” 

Aziraphale tried to keep the panic from his voice, “Oh yes, please if you see him would you call me?” 

“Of course I will. Have a wonderful day Azira.” and the phone went dead. 

Aziraphale would mumble to himself ‘everything is fine.’ a few dozen times as he got ready for work. He didn’t even care about the stack of books that had been left for him. It kept him busy so he could act like everything was fine. It was the furthest from fine it could be and with each passing hour it was getting less fine. On the walk home Aziraphale called Crowley’s cell again but this time it had gone straight to the voice message. Aziraphale couldn’t even bring himself to leave a message, it was clear that Crowley didn’t want to talk to him. Aziraphale walked home and found Crowley’s shirt in the laundry bin and curled up with it in bed. He felt himself falling apart and it had barely been twenty-four hours. 

He woke up the next day to an empty bed. He hadn’t even changed out of his day clothes and he shook his head, “Aziraphale get a hold of yourself. What if Crowley walked in now? Seeing you in such a state.” He wiped his eyes and started to change and tidy up the house. He didn’t work today but that made waiting around for Crowley even harder. He called again and it didn’t even ring, Crowley must have turned his phone off. Then he swallowed as he spotted the torn envelope that Crowley’s month check would arrive in. He thought of those thugs and wondered if they had gotten Crowley. 

He picked up his cell phone and called Michael. “Morning Az.” She yawned clearly still mostly in bed. 

“Michael...I’m so sorry to call so early, but Crowley is...gone. He left the other night saying he needed to...go for a drive, clear his head...but he hasn’t come home and I think his cell is turned off. I know you have important police stuff to do but...could you keep an eye out for him?” Aziraphale was talking fast as the panic started pouring from his heart to his mouth. 

“Hold on Az!” Michael tried to slow him down. “When was the last time you saw or talked to Crowley?” 

Aziraphale sat down on the couch trying to calm himself. “Wednesday. After we helped Raphael with the kids. It was...oh about nine.” 

“Over twenty four hours without a word and you’re just now calling me?” She asked. 

Aziraphale sighed, “I just...I thought he might be mad at me and just needed some time, but he never turned his phone off before. And I called Mrs. Fuller and his car isn’t at his apartment.”

“Ok Az. Just take a deep, easy, breath. I’ll call the station and have my people keep an eye out for him. It’s a small town I’m sure someone saw where he went. Is it possible he went to visit his parents?” 

“Lord no, they’ve completely cut him out of their lives. I highly doubt he’d go visit them ...willingly.” Aziraphale leaned back on the couch and took slow deep breath as he tried to think of where else Crowley might have gone. “I’m worried those goonies came back and snagged him while he was out. Please Michael I need to know he’s ok...even if he doesn’t want to see me.” 

“Ok, just don’t do anything crazy. I’ll give you a call when I hear something ok?” Michael was talking in a soft sweet tone, something she rarely did for Aziraphale but he felt glad she wasn’t being her usual hard self. 

“Thank you.” Aziraphale said trying not to cry. He knew that Michael wouldn’t care for it. He hung the phone up and laid down on the couch. 

He must have dozed off because his phone ringing woke him. He quickly answered, “Crowley?” 

There was a silence then Michaels’ voice came through, “No, dear Brother.” Her voice didn’t sound right. 

Aziraphale pushed himself up, “Michael...what have you found?” He looked at the time and it was well into the afternoon. 

“Gabriel is on his way to pick you up.” 

Aziraphale sat up, “Michael what have you found!?” he all but yelled as he heard a horn honking from outside. 

The phone hung up and Aziraphale felt his heart racing, Michael sounded sad, she’s never sounded like that before. Aziraphale straightened himself out and left the house to Gabriel waiting car. He got in and looked at his older brother who had a blank expression. “What did Michael find?” Aziraphale asked not liking how his siblings were behaving. 

Gabriel took a deep breath, “They pulled a Bentley out of the river.” was all he said. 

“No.” Aziraphale wanted to curl in on himself, it couldn’t be, Crowley was too good of a driver to just crash into the river. Had Aziraphale words really caused him to drive in? “Is...is he...was he?” Aziraphale couldn’t bring himself to finish.

Gabriel shook his head, “No body was found. They are dredging the river now.” he had his strong face on but Aziraphale knew Gabriel enough to know it was greatly bothering him. He put the car into gear and started to head to the police station.

Aziraphale looked out of the car, he couldn’t see the river but he had seen them dredge it before. Men and women in diving suits, diving into the river looking for a body, now they were looking for Crowley’s body. “No.” Aziraphale whispered then he felt Gabriel’s hand on his knee. He didn’t say anything but Aziraphale knew he was trying to be supportive, as loving and caring as their mother had been. Expressing sadness and hurt was hard for both Gabriel and Michael. Aziraphale had always thought it was his weakness that he could cry, be sad and hurt, but now he realized that his siblings felt it too, just didn’t express it the same. Aziraphale took Gabriel’s hand as they drove to the station. He pulled around back to where the few police cars where kept. A few people stood around the old Bentley. As soon as the car stopped Aziraphale rushed out stopping just short of the drivers door. The front end looked a little smashed, from where it likely hit the water but other than still dripping wet, the rest of the classic car was intact. 

Raphael walked over and hugged Aziraphale, “I’m so sorry Az.” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “Crowley wouldn’t...he wouldn’t do this.” Aziraphale slowly pushed Raphael away from him. He shook his head, “They did this.” 

Gabriel joined him, “They?” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Yeah those men that where hunting Crowley, there is still a hit on him. They...must have taken him and pushed his car into the river. Crowley...he wouldn’t...he wouldn’t…” Aziraphale felt his knees growing weak. Even if they had taken Crowley, wouldn’t they just kill him? Was it any better? 

Michael sighed, “Az, no one has seen those men since we chased then off back in December.” She swallowed, “Do you have any information we could go off? Names, or where they might take Crowley?” 

Aziraphale tried to remember what Crowley had told him, it wasn’t much, “Their names are Ligur and Hastur, they work for Beelzebud...in London.” He didn’t have last names, wasn’t even sure if those where their real names. 

Gabriel tilted his head, “Beelzebub?” he rubbed his chin sort of looking off into the distance.

Aziraphale nodded as he put his hand on the hood of the Bentley as if touching it would give him some insight. “Can I get in?” Aziraphale asked. 

Michael nodded, “Yes, we’ve already gotten everything we could from it.” 

Aziraphale walked around and got in on the passenger side, the seat was wet but he didn’t care. He looked over to the driver side imagining Crowley sitting there. The upset expression on his face, the last time he’d seen the other. Aziraphale felt tears running down his face as he closed his eyes not sure what he could do. Crowley might be gone forever, whether he’d left on his own or had been dragged away. 

Aziraphale wasn’t sure how long he sat there, his pants and the back of his jacket had soaked through and he felt very cold as the passenger door opened and Raphael looked in, “Come on Az. I’ll take you home.” she reached in taking Aziraphale hand and pulling him from the car. 

Aziraphale shook his head, “What...what’s going to happen to the Bentley?” 

Raphael straightened Aziraphale’s jacket, “I’ll make sure it gets cleaned up...and taken home. It’s...the least we can do for you Az.” 

Aziraphale looked around, everyone else had gone and it was just the two of them. Aziraphale reached up touching the Bentley once more before he allowed Raphael to lead him away. It didn’t take long for Aziraphale to realize his cousin was taking him to her home, not his. Though how could it really be home now, everything worth going back to wasn’t there. 

It was a strange feeling, almost numb, everything was a blur, Raphael offering him a robe so she could wash his clothes. Talking about going by his place tomorrow for a bag so he could stay with them until he was feeling better. Aziraphale huffed as she walked out with his half soaked clothes, like he had just caught a cold, and his heart hadn’t been ripping from his chest. 

Aziraphale curled up on the small bed and closed his eyes. He lost track of time, every so often one of the boys would come in and try and get him up and would be called out by their mother or father. Aziraphale hadn’t even paid any attention when John had come in and yelled at him about letting his life fall apart over some guy. Raphael and Uriel had gone to Aziraphale’s house and picked up some clothes for him. It was a shame they’d brought it over in Crowley’s old black duffle bag making Aziraphale cry just seeing it. 

He’d kept the lights off and had put a heavy blanket over the small window, the darkness gave him a small comfort that maybe this was just some horrible dream and he’d wake up at home with Crowley by his side. The door to his room opened and someone sat on his bed. He wasn’t sure what day it was, or what time. “Aziraphale.” Gabriel’s voice filled the small room. Aziraphale grunted to let him know he was listening. “I know where Crowley is.” 

Aziraphale felt a bolt of sudden energy and sat up, “What?” 

Gabriel put his hand over Aziraphale mouth, “Shut your mouth and listen. It’s late, everyone is asleep. I found out where Crowley is. Get dressed and let’s go.”

Gabriel stood up and walked out of the room. Aziraphale quickly got up and got dressed. It wasn’t his usual clothes but he was in a hurry, pants and a button up shirt and he looked around the house. It was dark and he could see the kitchen clock read 3:29 AM. Aziraphale followed Gabriel out to his car and got in. Once the door was closed, he turned to face his brother, “What the hell is going on?” he hoped this wasn’t some trick, he knew Gabriel to be a bully sometimes but this was to cruel even for him. 

“I told you. I know where Crowley is. Just...shut up and trust me. Ok?” Gabriel started the car and left Raphael’s house. 

Aziraphale was still tense then he looked at the dash clock. “It’s Monday?” Aziraphale had spent almost three days in Raphaels house doing nothing, he’d missed work, hadn’t eaten or taken care of anything. 

Gabriel nodded, “If you’re hungry we can swing by a petrol station and you can grab something to eat. It’s a long drive to London.” 

Aziraphale turned in his seat, “So he was taken to London. Gabriel it’s been...almost five days...are you sure?” 

Gabriel nodded, “I am, but you have to understand this isn’t going to be easy for me. You have to swear on your life, you will not tell anyone about what we’re doing.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “If this gets Crowley back I will do anything you ask of me.” 

Gabriel nodded as he sped through the countryside heading towards London.


	10. My Honey Bee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts off with some implied torture as warned in the tags but none is shown.

The lights overhead flickered, the floor was cold as blood dripped down his face. Crowley blinked, his eyes were already used to the light but it still bothered him. He pulled on the chains that had kept him standing. He was shirtless as the fresh cuts along his back still sting, in front of him was a silver table with an assortment of torture devices, whips, chains, a battery with cables which lucky for Crowley hadn’t been used. Hastur enjoyed the whips and putting bright lights in his face making him keep his eyes open. Hastur’s favorite, was to use his dead name, remind him he wasn’t a real man. Though Crowley hated it, it was easier to tune out than the physical torture. 

The doors opened as Hastur walked in, “Morning princess.” he walked over and sat on the table, “You get enough beauty sleep?” 

Crowley growled pulling on the chains, he swore if he ever got out of the chains he’d rip Hastur’s head off. His struggle only made Hastur laugh as he picked up the wipe with metal stars tied to the ends. He licked his lips as the door opened again. Hastur turned as Beelzebub walked in, they were shorter in stature but none the less terrifying. “Hastur how are things going?” 

Hastur put the wipe down, “Things are going well Lord Beelzebub. I was just about to start today's lesson.” 

Beelzebub nodded and walked over to Crowley, “You’re making sure he gets sleep and food right? If you kill him he's of no use to us.” They looked over Crowley looking unconvinced of his condition. 

“Don’t want to be too soft. But Ligur had been taking care of that stuff when I’m finished.” Hastur slowly walked over, a look of worry in his eyes, “I was just doing what you asked. Figured not to go easy considering what happened when we got here.” 

Crowley smiled as he remembered spitting in Beelzebub face. He was already licking his lips getting as much spit and blood as he could get waiting for either of them to get a little closer. Beelzebub nodded stepping back and Crowley sighed not wanting to waste that chance to get blood in the crimelords eyes. “No lessons today. I want him to rest and get a meal in him.” 

Hastur looked disappointed, “Yes Lord Beelzebub.” Hastur walked over making sure not to be at Crowley’s front knowing what happened last time. “Here that little Jane. Looks like you get to have a rest today.” 

Crowley felt Hastur being pulled from his side and next thing he knew was Beelzebub slamming his head into the table knocking over the wips and other tools. “WHAT DID YOU CALL HIM!” Beelzebub was yelling still cashing Hastur’s head into the table before throwing him back to the cold floor. 

The side of Hastur’s face was bleeding and his eye started to swell. “I...I...Forgive me Lord...I…:” he begged putting his hands up protectively in front of his face. 

Beelzebub growled, “If I EVER hear about you dead naming or misgendering anyone ever again I will kill you in the slowest and most painful way possible. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?” 

“Yes..yes Lord Beelzebub.” Hastur was cowering. Crowley smiled as he watched Hastur getting put in his place. It had almost been worth all of the torture he’d endured. 

The door to the room opened a third time as someone Crowley didn’t know walked in. Beelzebub looked over, “Dagon get this mess out of here.” 

Dagon glanced at Hastur then nodded, “Lord. There is someone here for you.” 

Beelzebub glanced over, “What do you mean by that?” 

Dagon swallowed lowering her head, “A gentleman in a suit has used your personal password. He is demanding an audience with you.” 

Beelzebub crossed their arms, “Fine, get this swamp scum out of here and then bring this man to me.” Beelzebub glanced back at Crowley, “He can see what happens when people demand things from me.” Crowley tried to pull at the chains but he was exhausted and didn’t want to miss this stranger that demanded to see Beelzebub. 

Dagon walked over helping Hastur off the ground half carrying him out. Beelzebub was tapping their foot on the ground when the door opened again and the last person Crowley had expected to walk through the door did. Gabriel glanced around straightening his suit. “Archangel?” Beelzebub looked shocked to see him. At least Crowley wasn’t the only one, wait what did they call him?

Gabriel smiled, “Honey Bee. I see you’ve...been busy so I’ll make this quick. I want him.” Gabriel motioned towards Crowley. 

Beelzebub glanced at Crowley, “What, Why?” 

Gabriel sighed putting his hands in his pockets, “Well see, Anthony here...well he’s won the heart of my little brother. Who had been a complete train wreck since your goonies swiped him up.” 

Beelzebub crossed their arms, “You have got to be kidding, I thought Azira would have better taste.” 

Gabriel shrugged, “Yeah you’d think, but I’m sure some people would think the same about Anthony here. Az has really let himself go since you saw him last, but Anthony had gotten him back on track and...I’d hate to see him going back to his book cave, eating nothing but cake and cocoa.” 

Beelzebub sighed, “I can’t just let him go, he owes me money. Do you know what it would say if I just let him go?” 

Gabriel took a deep breath, “I know Honey Bee, but hear me out. Think how you managed to get an inside man inside one of London's most well known lawyer’s office. I’ll send his paychecks to you until the money is paid off and you don’t have to worry about your reputation.” 

Beelzebub huffed and put their hand on their hips, “That might work…” Crowley was dumb struck, Gabriel not only knew Beelzebub, but they had pet names for each other. He was sure that he just died, he had to, nothing else about what was going on made sense. 

Gabriel moved closer, putting his hand on Beelzebub shoulder, “Please Honey Bee...I’ll also lift your ban from Oxfordshire...so you can come visit me.” Beelzebub turned looking like Gabriel had just offered candy but he quickly put his finger up, “But, you have to come as my little Honey Bee and not...Beelzebub.” 

Beelzebub nodded, “I really miss you Archangel.” 

Gabriel smiled and leaned in and they shared a deep kiss. Crowley was for sure he’d died now, he wanted to look away but it was like a wreck and you just couldn’t look away. “Am I dead?” Crowley asked and Gabriel and Beelzebub broke their kiss and looked at him. 

Beelzebub sighed, “Anthony Crowley, You’re contract is transferred to Ar ...Gabriel. You’re to work for him until you’ve paid off your debt to me.” Beelzebub turned back to Gabriel, “Do you have some time. I could get a pot of tea for us.” 

Gabriel sighed, “I left Az in the car waiting. But I’m sure I could take a quick cup while your men cleaned Anthony up and get him to my car.” 

Beelzebub smiled, taking Gabriel’s arm and the two of them walked out. Crowley was still convinced he’d died. But he hoped what had happened to Hastur had really happened. That was just too beautiful to have not happened. Dagon and Ligur walked in a few minutes later and they unchained him and carried him to a new room giving him some food and started to clean his open wounds. Crowley was still unsure what was going on then turned to Dagon, “Did...did Hastur really get his face smashed in? Am...I really getting to leave?” 

Dagon nodded, “Yes and yes. I don’t know who that man was but Beelzebub says you’re to be released to him.” 

Crowley nodded, they weren’t gentle but if what happened really did happen Aziraphale was waiting in the car for him. Dagon and Ligur helped Crowley walk, his body still sore from being hanging for a few days. Outside was so bright as they walked into the alleyway, Crowley closed his eyes as he heard a car door open, “Crowley!?” Aziraphale voice carried and Crowley opened his eyes as the soft white hair man rushed towards him. 

“Aziraphale!” Crowley leaned into him leaving Dagon and Ligur. Crowley felt tears fall from his eyes as he held Aziraphale tight, he thought he’d never see his angel again. The lights burned Crowley’s eyes but he didn’t care he leaned back looking over Aziraphale, “My love.” 

Aziraphale's eyes were full of tears, “I’m never letting you out of my sight again. You...they tortured you.” He touched Crowley chest. 

Crowley looked down at himself, he wasn’t sure how bad it was but even a blind man could have seen he was hurt. “Well I did spit in Beelzebub’s face when I got here and demanded to be released, so I kind of had it coming.” 

Aziraphale sighed, “Come on.” He let Crowley lean on him as they walked to get into the car. Crowley leaned back as Aziraphale made sure he was settled before walking around and getting in on the other side. “So what happened in there?” 

Crowley took a deep breath, “They tortured me. It hurt.” He wanted to close his eyes but he couldn’t stop looking at Aziraphale still wondering if any of this was real. 

“I can see that.” Aziraphale moved closer resting his head on Crowley’s shoulder, “I met with Gabriel, he went in there and then you came out.” 

Crowley wasn’t even sure what had happened, he swallowed, “I...Gabriel made some deal with Beelzebub, I’d be able to work out my debt with him...they...I think they know each other.” Aziraphale sat up giving Crowley a strange look then Crowley sighed, “I don’t know. It was...unreal. I thought I had died from blood lost or something I can’t even wrap my head around it.” 

The driver’s door opened and Gabriel got in, he looked back at them with the rearview mirror. “None of this happened. Crowley got into a car accident when his car when off into the river. He was found the next town over and we brought him home. Do you both understand?” 

Crowley leaned back, “How are you going to convince people my car drove into the river?” 

Aziraphale patted his shoulder, “Because we found it there...Michael and her team dragged it up a few days ago.” 

Crowley jaw dropped open, “My...my car?” Aziraphale pulled Crowley close trying to comfort him.

Gabriel fixed his mirror and then drove them back home. Crowley tried to be mad about his car but he was tired, and he was back with his love. He leaned on Aziraphale and drifted to sleep, not waking until Aziraphale had woken him so they could go into the apartment.


	11. Join me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make up sex

Crowley slept for almost a week as he recovered from his ordeal. Michael and Raphael had paid to have Crowley’s car repaired. Luckily other that being soaked through and covered in river muck it was relatively undamaged. 

Aziraphale had just gotten home from a long and slow day at work. He was glad to still have his job, even though he was sure he could do almost anything and still have his job. Anathema had really stepped up, helped cover his shifts, but gave him an ear full about not telling her what was going on. He hung his jacket up and made his way to the bedroom. Peeking in Crowley was sitting up in bed looking at something in his hands. “Crowley?” Aziraphale called to him not wanting to startle him. 

Crowley looked up and smiled, even in the low light of the room Aziraphale could make out the healing bruise around Crowley’s right eye. “How was work, Angel?” Crowley asked. He still sounded tired but more awake than he’d been.

Aziraphale walked in and took a seat on the bed. “Slow, most of the people that had come in just wanted to check on me. Asked me how you where and when they’d get a chance to see you or if it would be ok to visit.” He reached up running his fingers through Crowley’s short auburn hair.

Crowley leaned into the touch, “What did you tell them?” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “I told them that you were still recovering, you know crashing your car and floating down river is traumatizing.” 

Crowley rolled his eyes, “I can't believe they all believe that? It’s some crap you’d hear about in day time drama. If I crashed into a river in my car, I would have drowned.” 

Aziraphale nodded slowly trying to keep the image of Crowley’s river dredged Bentley from his mind, “Well, the most influential family in town telling them that is what happen will make anyone believe. Besides...I think most of them are far more glad that you have returned, than the reason you weren’t here.” 

“I’m sure they’re only glad I returned for your sake. I...I don’t do much.” Crowley tucked what was in his hands to his side under the blankets. 

The movement caught Aziraphale attention but he let it go; he toed off his shoes and moving to cuddle next to Crowley, “I can’t speak for everyone but I do know some of them are glad for your sake.” Crowley leaned into Aziraphale’s embrace closing his eyes. They laid there together then Aziraphale took a deep breath, “I should really tend to your back. Would you like a bath?” 

Crowley smiled and tilted his head to look up at Aziraphale, “Only if you join me.” 

“I was planning on it.” he kissed the side of Crowley’s head before slowly pulling himself off the bed, “I’ll go get the water started. Would you like a cup of tea as well?” Crowley nodded as Aziraphale walked to the kitchen to make some tea. Once the kettle was boiling he walked into the bathroom and started the water, testing it and making sure it wasn’t too hot or cold. He lit a few rose scented candles and turned the lights off, there was enough candle light to see by but not too much to bother Crowley. Aziraphale stepped out of the bathroom, “Waters running and I have the candles lit. I’ll get the tea ready and come join you.” he called into the bedroom before returning to check on the tea. 

He fixed two cups and carefully carried them to the bathroom where Crowley was already soaking in the water. Aziraphale handed Crowley his cup and set his own on a small table, whose whole purpose was to hold their drinks while they bathed. Crowley had thought it was strange until he’d been able to have a glass of wine while soaking, then he wondered how he’d lived so long without it. Aziraphale started to take his clothes off and he could feel Crowley’s eyes on him. He took his time slowly folding his clothes neatly on the counter, Crowley was leaning on the edge of the tub watching. “See something you like?” Aziraphale asked. 

Crowley smirked, “Only the most beautiful man in the known Kingdoms.” He moved giving Aziraphale room to slide in behind him. The bath wasn’t really designed for two grown men to bathe together but it wasn’t so small that they couldn’t make it work. 

Aziraphale reached for his tea once he was settled and took a small slip. “Let me see your back.” 

Crowley sighed as he leaned forward letting Aziraphale check the deep but healing wounds across his back. Some were just straight cuts caused by a whip. While others were a little more jagged. Even though Crowley had told Aziraphale that he’d sort of asked for it, spitting on Beelzebub, it didn’t make Aziraphale feel any better about it. Aziraphale reached for the soap that the doctors had given them to wash the wounds with, it wasn’t a pleasant smell but it would keep an infection out. He rubbed it into a damp cloth and started to gentle wash Crowley’s back. 

Crowley would tense and shutter, “Some of them are getting itchy.” Crowley said resting his head on his knees. 

Aziraphale looked over seeing the ones that had scabbed over, “Don’t scratch them. If they get too bad I’ll get some ointment for the itch but it’ll scar if you pick the scab off.” He slowly and with great care cleaned the wounds, checking for any sign something wasn’t healing correctly.

Crowley took a deep breath. “I...I wanted to apologize to you.” He turned his head just slightly.

Aziraphale slowled his hand, “Whatever for, love?” he’d finished with the wounds and now was just enjoying the feeling of Crowley so intimately close to him. 

Crowley turned his head to look at Aziraphale as much as he could. “About running off. I...I know I should have stayed. Parked and come inside, had some wine and told you why I was upset. I just…” He turned away, “I was scared to lose you.” he tensed. 

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes, “Lose me? Why would you think that?” Aziraphale didn’t want to mention that him running off almost caused him to never see the other again but this wasn’t the time to bring that up. 

Crowley wrapped his arms around his knees, “When I was about twenty...I finally decided that I was going to transition all the way. Talked to my therapist and doctors and all of them told me I should sit down with my family and tell them too, try and repair the drift that had formed.” Crowley chuckled looking to the ceiling, “My mother was infuriated with my decision. She demanded that I shouldn't “mutilate” my body, and after I told her nothing she would say would change my mind she told me that I needed and had to give her some grandbabies before I...tore my only purpose in life out of my body.” 

Aziraphale dropped the cloth into the water as he put his hands over his mouth, he realized that he’d done. “Crowley I wou….” Crowley turned and looked at Aziraphale, “Even if you hadn’t transition, even if you were still female. There is so much more to life than...making life.” 

Crowley leaned into Aziraphale resting his head on Aziraphale chest. “I know, but all I heard was my mother yelling about being selfish and telling me she no longer had a child and she never wanted to see me again. I was never on good terms with her but...to hear it...it haunts you.” Crowley shuttered, “I couldn’t bare the thought you might feel the same.” 

Aziraphale wiped his eyes, “I would never ask you to go through with anything you didn’t want Crowley.” Aziraphale ran his fingered though Crowley’s hair. “I didn’t mean to imply that you should have a child, but I wanted you to know. That it was something I would agree to, if it ever crossed your mind.” 

Crowley breathed out the air he had been holding for Aziraphale responses. “I knew that, I did, but...you know that dark part of your mind that tells you the worst is true. I couldn’t shake it.” Crowley sat up looking at Aziraphale, “I...I wouldn’t mind someday having kids. I...don’t want to carry them myself, but...if we found someone willing. I would...be agreeing to it too.” 

Aziraphale smiled, “I’m sorry I didn’t explain myself better.” Aziraphale leaned in kissing Crowley. 

Crowley lifted himself up, “We both could have handled the situation better, but now all that is behind us.” He leaned into Aziraphale, wrapping his arms around the other, “You know what I could really go for now?” 

Aziraphale knew that tone, he knew what Crowley wanted, but did his best not to smile as he reached for his tea cup, “What would that be, dear?” 

Crowley stopped Aziraphale’s hand from reaching the cup, the hunger and want burning in his eyes. Aziraphale couldn’t help but smile as he pulled Crowley in, claiming his lips. The bathtub made it a challenge but Crowley found a way to push himself so he could rub against Aziraphale’s hard member. Aziraphale moaned at the friction still locked into a passionate kiss, he reached around Crowley, holding him in place as they thrusted into each other. Crowley tried to adjust his position for more contact but was unable to get a better angle, he growled breaking their kiss, “Damn to Hell this small ass tub.” 

Aziraphale ran his fingers through Crowley’s hair, “That’s not what you thought about it when you first moved in.” 

“Yes but before I wasn’t trying to have sex with you in it.” Crowley shifted trying to get into a better position. 

Aziraphale sighed as he reached with his toes to the drain and unplugged it. “Best if we took this somewhere more comfortable?” 

Crowley turned his head then nodded, “I hate how the movies make bathroom sex look easy.” 

Aziraphale agreed but he could understand in the movies everything always looked easy. “Don’t forget your tea.” 

Crowley scoffed as he picked up his tea and drank it before getting out. Aziraphale watched as the slender man made his way out of the tub and wrapped a towel around himself, Aziraphale smirked and followed also finishing off his now lukewarm tea. Crowley dried himself just enough to not get the bed too wet before laying down. 

Aziraphale lingered in the doorway watching Crowley get comfortable in their bed. Aziraphale’s drank in the sight of the man he loved spread out before him. Crowley reached a hand up waiting for Aziraphale to join him. For once Aziraphale didn’t care about the state of the bed as he crawled onto the bed and quickly buried his face in between Crowley’s legs. Crowley took a sharp breath, grabbing Aziraphale’s hair, “Fuck...Aziraphale that’s....Fuck!” Crowley arched his back crying out in pleasure, as Aziraphale sucked and licked his most sensitive spots.

Aziraphale moaned as he listens to, tastes and feels his lover under him, Aziraphale delights in the wanton sounds Crowley lets out. Aziraphale had been waiting for Crowley to be recovered enough from his ordeal. He wanted to jump him as soon as they had gotten home but Crowley had curled up and fallen asleep almost the moment he’d gotten in bed. 

Aziraphale reached up, gently rubbing the opening of Crowley’s vagina, teasing the sensitive nerves. Over their months together Aziraphale had improved at pleasing Crowley but he’s always taken his own pace, taking his time and teasing Crowley to the edge, except this time. He was going to show Crowley that he could keep up. Crowley started to try and push down, but Aziraphale was careful not to allow Crowley hving his way, “Fuck me, Angel. Please!” 

Aziraphale licked up looking up at Crowley, “Would you like to try something different?”

Crowley was panting, still a little whiplashed from his usual slow and soft lover going full throttle. “What...did you have in mind?” 

Aziraphale swallowed, “I could...fuck you from the back while the dildo fucks your front. I would very much like to cum inside you.” 

Crowley’s face flushed, “Damn Angel, if you’re going to talk dirty like that you can do whatever you want to me.” 

Aziraphale laughed as he reached up and opened the side table and pulled out the lube, the dildo and some tissues. Crowley swallowed as Aziraphale started to suck the light blue dildo as his free hand opened the tube and got some on his fingers. Aziraphale took the dildo out of his mouth and slowly pushed it into Crowley. Crowley closed his eyes and moaned as it slipped easily into him. “Try and keep that in while I stretch you.” Aziraphale said softly as he brought his attention to Crowley’s ass. He gently massaged the tight ring of muscles before slowly pushed his finger in. Crowley cried out in a strange mixture of pleasure and pain. Aziraphale glanced up “It’s not to much?” Crowley shook his head as Aziraphale pushed in deeper slowly working Crowley’s body to relax. Crowley pushed his heels into the bed giving a better angle, it wasn’t long until Aziraphale managed a second and finally a third finger into Crowley and his man was starting to thrust back into his hand. “I think someone is ready.” He teased. 

“For somebody's sake Aziraphale, if you don’t put your dick into me I might just…” He didn’t get to finish because Aziraphale removed his fingers, sat up and pushing in. Crowley took a sharp breath, “Fuck. Yes...Oh Angel.” Crowley closed his eyes as Aziraphale lifted his legs to his shoulders and started to thrust, slowly at first but once he was sure Crowley was fully enjoying it, he picked up his pace. 

Crowley was breathing hard and making the most sexiest sounds Aziraphale had ever heard, being so full. It didn’t take long for Aziraphale to hear Crowley cry out and his body tightened around Aziraphale’s member deep inside him. Aziraphale thrusted a few more times before filing Crowley’s ass with his cum. It felt good to finally be able to fill the other and it had been Aziraphale own shortcoming that had kept him from doing do. 

Aziraphale was panting, having been spent, he was sure that dampness on his body was sweating more than the water from their bath. “By the Great Almighty. I’ve never seen this side of you.” Crowley was still licking his lips. They where both a mass of sweat.

Aziraphale glanced over Crowley still pinned under him. Aziraphale slowly pulled out using the tissues to catch as much of the mess as possible. Crowley stretched out his legs and pulled the dildo from himself, he looked to still be recovering from his climax. “Like I said, tired of being behind, taking things slow.” Aziraphale said laying down on top of Crowley. “I almost lost you forever and...I don’t ever want to regret not loving you to my fullest.” 

Crowley smiled turning his head to look at Aziraphale. “Then...will you marry me?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale was sure if he wasn’t already flushed he would be but before he could say anything Crowley sat up, “But...I understand. If you don’t.” He had that desperate look like he’d said the wrong thing. 

Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s shoulder and pulled him into a kiss. “There is no one else in the universe I could possibly want more than you. I will marry you, Anthony J. Crowley.” 

Crowley laughed, then he twisted to the nightstand, opened the drawer and pulled out a small black box. “I’ve been waiting to give this to you for weeks now.” He opened the box and inside were two silver bands. One with wings carved into it and the other with a serpent. 

Aziraphale reached in taking the one with the wing, Crowley opened his mouth but then Aziraphale reached for Crowley’s hand, slipping the ring to his left ring finger. Crowley chuckled as he took the serpent one and put it on Aziraphale’s left ring finger. “Perfect.” Aziraphale looked over the ring on his finger as tears fell from his eyes. Aziraphale laid back down still looking over the ring, “Aziraphale Crowley…” 

Crowley chuckled, “Or Anthony Fell.” 

Aziraphale squinched his face, “Oh no, I’m tired of being Aziraphale Fell. I’ll take your name.” 

“Yes, my Angel.” Crowley leaned over him as they kissed holding each other well into the rest of the day.


	12. My Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected call for unexpected things.

The leaves where starting to fall as the town started getting ready for its Harvest festival. Crowley’s wounds had fully healed and he’d been working odd jobs for Gabriel, mostly scanning files since the office had decided to go paperless. It was like watching paint dry but Gabriel let Crowley listen to music so it wasn’t too bad. He also put himself in charge of making sure the office plants were taken care of. 

Crowley sat on a park bench outside the library waiting for Aziraphale to get off work, he waved at Gabriel as he jogged by, Gabriel waved back but didn’t stop or slow down. Crowley’s cell phone started to ring and he pulled it from his pocket not recognizing the number. He sighed answering, “Anthony Crowley.” 

There was a moment of silence and he thought for a moment is was one of those stupid America machines trying to give him a free vacation. “Hello Anthony.” a male voice finally said and Crowley narrowed his eyes, he knew the voice. 

“Dad?” a well of emotions came over him, mostly worry and anger, not knowing how his father had gotten this number. He’d made sure to change it after the whole lawyer mess. “How did you get this number?” he tried to keep his voice calm. 

“The clause in your case that says under emergency situation I can request your contact information.” he cleared his throat, “So I got your number from your lawyer.” 

Crowley leaned back on the bench, “This better be a fucking emergency then. What do you want?” 

“Listen, I know that...things fell apart but, your mother…Your mother is...unwell. She...might not make it much longer.” The man sounded torn up about the situation, anyone that didn’t know him would think he was heartbroken, but Crowley knew better. 

Crowley scratched his chin, “So my horrible mother, is dying. Sorry to hear that old man, but she made it very clear that neither of you wanted anything to do with me; ever again, remember?” 

“I understand, but I just...I wanted you... I thought you should know your mother, she misses you. She wishes she could have allowed herself to understand you...and your choice.” Crowley raised his eyebrow as his father talked. “You don’t have too I would not think any less of you but, please allow us to...be the parents you wanted us to be.” 

Crowley wasn’t swayed, there where number of times they could have tried to fix things. He was sure even if there wasn’t a clause in his contract with them about emergency if his mother wanted too she could have gotten his number, or found out where he lived. “I didn’t think you could think any less of me. Good to know I haven't quite hit rock bottom in your heart. Don’t ever call me again.” Crowley hung the phone up and leaned forward “Fuck them.” He hissed and stood up walking to the corner shop, he needed to do something to get his mind off the call. Crowley bought a bottle of whiskey before heading back to the Library. 

Aziraphale was just walking out and smiled seeing him. “What did you buy?” He nodded towards the paper bag. 

Crowley sighed, “Whiskey.” Crowley pulled the bottle out of the bag enough to show Aziraphale then slipped it back in. He offered his arm. “It’s almost our anniversary so I thought we’d celebrate.” 

Aziraphale took the offered arm, “I thought we’d dance at the festival for our anniversary.” 

Crowley lead Aziraphale back to their apartment, “We can do that too. But this could just be the two of us. Getting wasted and not thinking about anything but how happy we are together.” 

Aziraphale gave him a side look then nodded, “That sounds lovely.” 

They got home and Aziraphale got them two glasses and the drinking began. It started off with Aziraphale complaining about how no one else, besides Anathema, puts the books away properly. Then it slowly merged into talking about the wedding and what colors would work best. Crowley wanted a darker themed wedding outside while Aziraphale wanted to have a white wedding in the church. Crowley discarded his sunglasses knowing his head would be hurting tomorrow no matter how much light he was exposed too.

The bottle was almost gone as Crowley poured himself another glass. “My whole family is going to be there...there are a lot of us.” Aziraphale leaned back still cradling his drink in his hands. “I...I know you don’t like your family Crowley but, isn’t there anyone you’d like to invite?” 

Crowley sighed, he had a lot more of the whiskey than Aziraphale, “No...they...My mother is dying so she won't be there. Father will hate me for not going to see her...everyone else...can fuck off.” 

Aziraphale looked up, “What?” Crowley took a drink spilling more than what he’d gotten into his mouth. He cringed looking down at his wet shirt. “Crowley did you say your mother is dying?” Aziraphale asked sounding almost sober.

Crowley leaned back in his seat. “Yeah.” He leaned on his hand trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal. His eyes burned but it must have been from the whiskey until he felt tears falling down his face. “No.” He reached up rubbing his eyes, trying to will himself not to cry.

Aziraphale moved closer to him wrapping his arms around Crowley’s shoulder, “I didn’t think you have any connection with your family. How did you find out?” 

Crowley leaned into Aziraphale as he curled into the other, “My Father called, said that she’s dying, that she misses me and she’s sorry for what she did to me.” Crowley clung to Aziraphale’s shirt crying into his shoulder, “I want to hate them. I never want anything to do with them. They made my life miserable...I hate them...I hate….them!” he repeated over and over again into Aziraphale’s shirt as if he could will it so.

Aziraphale had his arms around him, holding him allowing him to cry. “My love.” He said after Crowley shivering stopped and he relaxed into Aziraphale’s embrace. Crowley sighed closing his eyes. Aziraphale kissed his forehead, “If you don’t want to go. I understand, but...even if there is a sliver of a chance. What if it’s true, wouldn’t you feel better knowing the truth?” 

Crowley sat up, “Angel...if I go, she’ll just tell me what a disappointment I am...she’ll call me...her lost daughter, she was so caught up that I killed Jane, that she doesn’t care about...Anthony.”

“If you don’t want to go I’m in full support.” He reached over taking Crowley’s hand, “We have our own side. We don’t need any of them. But if you change your mind, I’ll be there by your side. Through Hell and back.” 

Crowley nodded, “Maybe the whiskey wasn’t a good idea.” He got a sharp pain in his stomach and his throat started to burn. Crowley pushed himself up and Aziraphale quickly helped him to the bathroom where he threw up just barely making it to the toilet. Aziraphale sat with him with a cool wet cloth while Crowley expelled everything he’d eaten or drank the whole day. Crowley leaned his head on the toilet, “Yeah the whiskey was a bad idea.” his whole body felt on fire.

Aziraphale rubbed his back, “I know it’s still pretty early but maybe you should call it a night.” Aziraphale stood up, “Come, love.” he helped Crowley up who spit once more into the toilet before flushing. He leaned on Aziraphale heading to the room. 

Aziraphale was the best partner, he helped Crowley out of his clothes and tucked him into bed. Making sure he had a glass of water if he got thirsty and a bucket encase he needed to throw up again. “I’m sorry.” Crowley mumbled his eyes half closed. Aziraphale kissed Crowley’s forehead and then he slipped out of his clothes and grabbed a book sliding into bed with him. Crowley turned and cuddled into Aziraphale as the other played with his hair until he fell completely asleep. 

Crowley woke with a pounding headache and Aziraphale curled up next to him. He rubbed his head and reached for the glass of water. It was the best glass of water he’s ever had, he was so parched, he finished the glass off and got up. He glanced at the time, it was just about six. He walked to the couch and took a seat not sure about anything anymore. He’d worked hard building himself up but Aziraphale words kept nagging at him, ‘What if it's true, wouldn’t you feel better knowing the truth?’ 

Crowley sighed and searched for his cell phone he’d snuck back into their room and found his jeans from the night before and slipped them on making his way outside. The cold night air made him shiver but if he was really going to do this he wanted to be as numb as he could. He looked up the hospital that his family had always gone too, his grandma worked there, his mother was born there, and so was he. He swallowed as it started to ring. 

“Sister Jane’s Medical Center, this is Linda how may I direct your call?” The woman sounded older and sweet. 

Crowley swallowed again, “Uhm...Hello, this is...This is Hela Crowley’s...son. I got a call from my father that my mother was...here.” 

Linda’s sweet voice softened, “Oh yes Mr. Crowley, your mother is here. It just about time for her medicine, if you’d like I can see if she’s well enough to talk to you. Visiting time isn’t for another few hours.” 

“P...Please.” He slowly sat down on the ground right outside the front door. 

Cheerful music played as he was put on hold, a part of him kept telling him to hang up, that this was bad and it would only hurt. 

Then the music stopped, “Are you still there Mr. Crowley? Your mother wishes to speak with you.” 

Crowley tensed that might be a good sign but it could always be a last chance to yell at him. “Yes...I’m still here.” 

A soft tired sounding voice answered, “Anthony?” 

Crowley felt his heart skip having never heard his mother say his name. “Mum.” He tried to keep the sound of tears out of his voice. 

“Oh my...baby. I’m so happy to hear your voice. I wasn’t expecting you to call...how did you know I was here?” 

Crowley straighten his back out trying to get himself together, “Dad called me. He told me you were...really sick. Told me you didn’t have much time left.” 

She sighed with disappointment, “The doctors say I likely won't make it to the end of the year. I have cancer, it’s growing around my organs so they can’t just cut it out...they’ve already removed all of my non vital organs in an attempt to slow down the growth and I have weekly rounds of chemo.” Crowley nodded not sure what to say to that, he never thought he’d have a civil conversation with his mother ever again. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” 

Crowley tensed, this was the turning point, he was sure of it, “Yeah?” 

She coughed weakly, then sighed once she could speak again, “I remember holding you in this very hospital. You were so little. I remember bringing you here when you had fallen out of that tree your second day of kindergarten…” 

Crowley sat there and listened to his mother reminisce about every time he’d gone to the hospital and the last, when they had watched his grandma pass. Not once did she mention his gender or his old name. Just a sad mother. Crowley covered his eyes as tears fell. 

“Anthony? Are you crying baby?” 

“No.” He snapped but his voice betrayed him. 

“It’s ok to cry. I’m so glad you called me. How is your life going?” 

Crowley took a deep breath, “Oh uhm..” He wiped his eyes, “Things are going great. I...I’m getting married. Uhm...we haven't set a date yet, but...we’re so happy, we have a little apartment together near Oxfordshire.” 

“Oh that is wonderful news, who is the lucky lady?” 

Crowley had a shaky laughed, “His name is Aziraphale.” 

“Oh...Aziraphale, what a sweet name...very angelic.” 

Crowley finally allowed himself to relax, “Oh, you have no idea.” 

Crowley heard someone talking to far from the phone to hear but then he heard his mom say, “I haven’t talked to my son in eight years you can go fuck yourself!” She put the phone back to her ear, “Where were we?” 

Crowley chuckled, “Are they telling you, your phone time is up?” 

“Damn nurses. Think they know what is best for me. I can skip breakfast.” 

Crowley shook his head, “No Mum go eat...I’ll talk to Aziraphale and we’ll try to get up to visit you.” 

“Oh I would love that.” Then he could hear the tears in her voice. “I’m so sorry that it took me this long to...understand that no matter what you choose to do with your life, you’re my baby, and I love you.”

Crowley’s chest hurt as he pushed over his heart trying to push the pain away, “I..love you too. Now go eat, I’ll see you soon.”

The call ended and Crowley looked around, it was still mostly dark out and most of the town was still sleeping. He wasn’t sure if he was having a heart attack or the worse heartburn of his life. He pushed himself off the cold ground and headed inside. He sat down at the kitchen table still looking at his phone, it didn’t feel real, was this something that being told your going to die did to people? In the long run it didn’t really matter why she’s changed her tune, the pure fact was she called him son, ‘her son’. 

Crowley took a deep breath and called Gabriel. “Good Morning Anthony.” Gabriel answered, he sounded like he was running, which didn’t surprise Crowley

“Hey.” He wasn’t sure where to start, “I just found out that my mother is in the hospital. I’d like to take a few days off to...go visit her. If it’s ok.” 

“Of course, take all the time you need. Do not leave without telling Aziraphale.” He added in a firm tone. He sounded like he’d stopped running, “I’ll tell Uncle to add your mother to this weekend's service, what is her name?” 

“Hela Crowley.” Crowley swallowed, knowing his mother would like that. 

“When you visit let her know we’re praying for her. Let me know when you can return to work.” 

Crowley nodded, “Will do. Thanks Gabriel.” 

“You’re family Anthony. If you need anything just let me know.” 

“Will do.” and with that he hung up letting Gabriel get back to his morning jog. He took a deep breath and got up looking at the calendar on the fridge, it was covered in Aziraphale work shifts, and Crowley’s reminders to take his medicine. Aziraphale had a morning shift today but then would have the next two days off. “Perfect.” Crowley rubbed his head, this still didn’t feel real but he just had to keep going until he woke up. He walked back to the bedroom and took his jeans off before crawling back into bed and cuddling up with Aziraphale. 

Aziraphale woke just enough to shiver, “Why are you so cold?” he asked sleepily.

“Sorry, I stepped out for a bit.” Crowley tried to pull away as Aziraphale rolled over pulling him close. Aziraphale was so warm it quickly took the chill from his bones. He smiled wrapping his arms around Aziraphale arms and made himself get some more sleep. 

Crowley woke to the sound of Aziraphale attempting to find his clothes in the darkened room. Crowley covered his eyes as he reached over and turned the lamp on. Aziraphale was started by the sudden light but then quickly grabbed his clothes, “Thank you.” Crowley tapped the light two more times to turn it off. “Are you feeling better?” Aziraphale asked putting his clothes on. 

“Sort of. I...I woke up about six and...I called the hospital my mother is at.” Aziraphale stopped and looked at him for a moment. Crowley took a deep breath. “I got to talk to her...told her I’d go see her.” 

Aziraphale walked over and sat down on the bed, “I have the next two days off. If you want to leave as soon as I’m off work. Where is it?” 

Crowley shifted over resting his head on Aziraphale lap. “It’s in North London. Not to far. I was going to call around and see about a hotel.” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “I believe Gabriel had an apartment he uses up there. I don’t see why we couldn’t just stay there.” 

Crowley remember Gabriel words from this morning, “I already talked to him this morning. Asked for some time off. He said if I needed anything just ask...so I’ll give him a call around his lunch time. He won't answer his phone while he’d working.” Crowley sat up, “You don’t mind going with me do you?” 

Aziraphale smiled and kissed him, “I don’t mind. Do you want to take the train or the Bentley?” 

Crowley narrowed his eyes, “What sort of question is that?” 

Aziraphale sighed, “I just thought a romantic train ride would be nice.” 

Crowley huffed, “My driving still make you uneasy? I think I’ve gotten better.” 

Aziraphale chuckled, “No you just don’t trust the repairs so you go a little easy on the turns and pushing the engine too hard. Your driving hasn't changed at all.” 

Crowley scoffed as Aziraphale gave him a kiss before heading out to the kitchen. Crowley sighed as he got out of bed and put some pants on before joining Aziraphale who had started to make himself some breakfast and something to eat while he was at work. Crowley watched thinking of how much Aziraphale had changed since they’d moved in together, he knew the other had toned up but he was still the same soft angel he’d fallen for. “So I’ll come pick you up and we can head to London?” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Yes, I’ll go get some clothes out and you can finish packing for us.” Crowley nodded as Aziraphale packed the small ice box. Aziraphale walked past him to get his clothes ready. 

Crowley wanted to talk to Aziraphale, wanted to tell him how important this was. Aziraphale might have had plans but he’d just dropped everything to come hold Crowley’s hand because he didn’t think he’d have the strength to deal with this alone. “I love you.” Crowley finally got out.

Aziraphale stopped mid fold of some pants he’d pulled out of his dressure, “I love you too.” he smiled and finished folding the pants. He set the pants on the bed and walked over, “You have that look like you need to say something.” 

Crowley took a deep breath not realizing he was so easy to read, “I’m just I worried that you might of had plans on your days off.” Crowley swallowed and leaned into Aziraphale shoulder, “Thank you for...coming with me.” 

Aziraphale embraced Crowley, “Crowley you’re the love of my life. There will never be anything more important than you. Thought I would like...if possible to stop by a bookshop while we’re in London. I heard there is a small shop that is brimming with rare first edition I would love to look at.” 

Crowley laughed, “Would you like to see if we can dine at the Ritz as well?”

Aziraphale eyes widen, “Do you really think we could get a table?” 

Crowley didn’t think so, and even if he could like he couldn’t really afford it. “I’ll see what I can do.” Seeing Aziraphale light up would be worth it. Crowley walked over and kissed his cheek, “You should be off to work. Don’t want to be late.” 

Aziraphale nodded as he pulled a few shirts out and put them on the bed, “I have plenty of time. I’ll see you when I’m off.” he smiled slowly walking out of the room and grabbed his lunch before heading off. 

Crowley took a deep breath hearing the front door close and he walked over to the nightstand and grabbed his glasses before he started to finish packing and then cleaning up the house keeping himself busy so he didn’t call off the whole trip. 

Crowley tapped his fingers on the steering wheel parked out front of the Library, he’d gotten everything taken care of with Gabriel, he had a small flat in North London that he gave Crowley the lock combination for so him and Aziraphale would have a place to stay. He even called the Ritz but the man had laughed at him when he asked if he could get a table some time in the next three days. 

Aziraphale walked out of the library and quickly made his way to the car, getting in, “Let’s go before Sara realized I didn’t put all the books away.” he adjusted his bowtie. 

Crowley laughed as he pulled from the parking spot and sped out of the small town. It felt good being on the open road, it had been too long since he’d driven this far. Aziraphale had his hand on Crowley’s knee and he could tell when the other got worried about a turn because his grip tightened. Crowley glanced at his watch, it would be pass visiting time when they would get there but they could get settled at Gabriel’s place and then go first thing in the morning. 

Gabriel’s place was larger than Crowley had thought when his future brother-in law had told him about it. Just a small place in London, Crowley wishes he could just have a flat in London that was barely used. Aziraphale looked around, “Oh yeah I can smell and see Gabriel all over this place. Almost reminds me of his room growing up.” Aziraphale said looking around.

Crowley took his glasses off looking around, “Do you think he invited Beelzebub here?” 

Aziraphale laughed, “Please Crowley I don’t want to think about that. The fact that he knows this person...well I’m thankful for how it helped get you back but...that is the extent of it.” Aziraphale put their bag next to the lavender colored couch. “Let’s get some dinner started. I’m peckish.” 

Crowley smiled, “There is a restaurant just down the street, do you wanna go eat. Swing by the store and get something for tomorrow?” 

“Oh that sounds wonderful.” Aziraphale reached for Crowley as they left to get some food. Crowley tried not to think about going to the hospital as they enjoyed their evening and made sure to have very loud sex on Gabriel’s bed just for good measure.


	13. St. Jane's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visit Mrs. Crowley in the Hospital

Crowley looked up at the hospital, which happens to be the largest building they had spotted since leaving Gabriel’s flat. Crowley swallowed trying to get his hand to stop shaking and Aziraphale took his hand and the two of them walked in. It was just before visiting hours. The woman at the front desk looked up, “Good Morning, welcome to Sister Jane’s Medical, how can I help you?” 

Crowley nodded, he was in his best suit, “Uhm...I’m here to see my mother. Hela Crowley.” 

The woman smiled, “Oh yes. Mrs. Crowley mentioned her sons would be visiting.” She stood up and handed Crowley a clipboard, “I just need you two to fill this form out and I’ll be able to let you in.” 

Crowley took the form and looked over it, he started to try and write his name but he couldn’t get his hands to stop shaking. Aziraphale slowly reached for the board, “Here love, I got it.”

Crowley handed Aziraphale the clipboard and he filled it out for the both of them. They got their visitor pass and headed in. “Sorry.” Crowley said putting his free hand in his pocket while the other one held Aziraphale’s hand. 

“Nothing to be sorry for. I can understand how stressful this must be for you. Just remember I’m here for you...and if this goes pear shape we can leave, no questions asked.” Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s hand and it made him feel better. They walked to the room and Crowley lingered at the door. He took a deep breath. “Just...wait out here.” 

Aziraphale nodded as Crowley slowly walked in. “Why can’t you have good food here? I’ll die from not having any decent food.” He heard his mother. 

Whomever she was talking to sighed, “I’m sorry Mrs. Crowley. I’ll...see what I can do.” The curtain opened as a nurse walked out. 

“Hey, take your nasty ass food!” Hela yelled then growled. 

Crowley chuckled as he opened the curtain, peeking in. “You shouldn’t give your nurse such a hard time.” 

She glared at him, around her head was a bright green wrap and she looked thin and frail but her green eyes held the strength to kick ass if you messed with her, her expression softened, “Anthony?” Crowley opened his arm and he could almost see a tear in her eyes, “Oh my, how...handsome you are. Come closer and twirl for me. Let me get a good look at you.” Crowley walked towards her with a spin to his step. She laughed, “I can’t believe how much you look like my father.” She opened her arms, Crowley leaned in giving her a hug. “I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am to see you.” she whispered in his ear. 

Crowley let out a shaky breath, “I’m glad Dad called and told me.” 

Hela scoffed releasing him from the hug, “I told your Father to leave you alone.” She leaned back in her bed, “I...I had accepted that I was beyond horrible to you and...I was sure you had built a wonderful life and last thing I wanted was to...interfere with whatever you had. I knew if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t have given me the time of a day.” 

Crowley pulled up a chair and sat on the armrest, “Good thing I’m not you.” He put his hands in his pocket, “So...uhm...when did you...change your mind about me? Was it when they told you, you were dying?” 

Hela sighed, “About five years ago. I made a friend at work. She was so smart and we really got along and you know what a bitch I can be. Well, last year her mother had shown up to work, out of the blue...and berated her. I guess she was in a situation similar to yours. I had no idea but...listening to that woman yell about...how she lost her child...it hit me really hard. I stood up and told the woman off. Told her how someday she’d realize what she was throwing away. Told her how I lost my child, like she was about to lose hers. She didn’t care but...I held Tiffany’s hand and comforted her until her tears stopped.” Hela glanced out the large window, “I told her about you.” she wiped her eyes, “Told her that I had done the same to you. Then she hugged me and told me that...there was always time to amend and reach out for you.” Hela took a deep breath, “It wasn’t until I found out I was dying that...I really started to miss you. I wondered what you had done with yourself, if you were really happy or...just getting by. Wondered what...things would have been like if I...had tried to understand.” Crowley was glad he had his sunglasses on but even the dark shades couldn’t hide the tears streaming down his face. “Oh baby!” She reached out for him. 

Crowley rushed to her side and crawled into the bed with her as she held and comforted him. “It’s not fair, why do you have to be sick?” he cursed. She took his glasses off and kissed his head. 

Then there was a noise from behind the curtain. They both looked up as Aziraphale peeked in, “Everything ok here?” 

Hela opened her mouth to yell at him and Crowley sat up, “Everything is great, Angel.” He sat up and waved Aziraphale in. Hela looked confused and Crowley smiled, “Mum, this is Aziraphale, my fiance.” 

“Oh.” she smiled, “Anthony told me about you over the phone.” 

Aziraphale walked over, “It’s lovely to meet you.”

Hela bumped Crowley, “So..uhm, when is the wedding?” 

Aziraphale sighed looking at Crowley and Crowley put his hands up, “We don’t have a date yet. Aziraphale wants to make sure we have everything figured out before we...get to planning.” 

Aziraphale sighed, “No love, we’re waiting for you to let us get married in the church.” 

Crowley scoffed, “You have so much family do you really think they’d all fit in that building?” 

“We all fit just fine every Sunday.” Aziraphale snapped back not being rude but they had this conversation more times that Crowley cared to remember. 

Hela laughed, “Oh my you two already sound married. I’m so happy for both of you.” She reached her hand out to Aziraphale, “Welcome to the family.” 

Aziraphale took her hand, “Thank you.” 

Crowley leaned over looking at the plate of food, “Mum you should eat.” he attempted to change topics. 

Hela cringed, “That is almost garbage. I’d rather not.” She leaned back on the bed, “I remember when your father and I would go eat at the Ritz...I’ll never have a meal like that again.” 

Crowley scoffed, “That isn’t the mother I remember. If you wanted something come hell or high water you’d get it.” 

Hela laughed and reached up pushing Crowley’s hair from his face as Aziraphale took a seat in the chair Crowley had pulled up, “Do you think your father could get his shit together enough to sneak some real food in? I do still have some connections.” 

Crowley shrugged his shoulders, “If he can’t, I’m sure I could.” 

Hela leaned over kissing Crowley’s cheek, “That is why you’re my favorite son.” 

“I’m your only son.” Crowley rolled his eyes, “So what is the old man up too?” 

Hela sighed, “We were in the middle of a nasty divorce but now he’s put it all off. He thinks once I’m dead he’ll get everything. Fucking bastard.” Hela adjusted, “But I called your lawyer and had him put your name to everything. My entire estate will be liquidated and added to your inheritance funds.” 

“What!?” Crowley thought he might fall off the bed. “Mum? You...what?” He couldn’t even get his head around it. “Were you ever going to tell me?” 

She shook her head, “I had to set that up once I was dead. The head nurse here would call your lawyer...then he’d call and tell you. Also I’ve told him that you have full access to 50% of your money for...whatever you needed it for. The other 50% would keep coming out as monthly payments. I didn’t want you to be like your father and blow all your money.” 

Aziraphale stood up walking to Crowley’s side, “Dear you need to breath.” Crowley opened his mouth and started to force air into his lungs, this was beyond anything he thought. He was glad he’d come,or he wouldn’t have known what he would have done if his lawyer had just called out of the blue and told him all of this. 

Hela nodded, “I’m sure it should be enough for you two to buy a nice house and you could finish getting the surgery you’re saving for.” 

Crowley nodded, “I don’t think, thank you, is enough for everything.” 

Hela scoffed, “Please don’t, I have been a right bitch to you. This is the least I can do, after everything I put you through.”

Aziraphale reached up and put his hand on Crowley’s shoulder, “I’m going to step out. Do you want some water or something, love?” 

Crowley shook his head, “I’m...I’m good.” He reached up holding Aziraphale’s hand before the other walked out. Crowley leaned into his mother and just sat there with her. 

He must have drifted asleep, when he woke up Aziraphale was sitting on the other side of the room with a book in hand and the food that had been there was gone. He looked around, “Oh, why did you let me sleep?” 

Hela opened her eyes, “You looked so peaceful and Aziraphale had told me how worried you’d been coming here. Figured you stressed yourself out and needed it.” 

Aziraphale looked up from his book and smiled, “How are you feeling?” 

Crowley moved his legs which had cramped a little but he didn’t quite want to move yet. “Doing ok. How about you Angel?” 

Aziraphale smiled, “I’m getting a bit hungry, I was going to go see what I could find downstairs but your mother told me to save myself and just be hungry.” 

Hela scoffed, “I can’t believe how much my family has done for this hospital and they still think that is food. I called in a few favors, we should be getting some real food in a bit.” 

It was then that the doors opened and a man walked in with a giant box of food. “Order for Crowley.” 

She sat up, “Over here, dear.” she signed for the food and he left. 

She opened the box, it wasn’t the Ritz but it was still better than hospital food. The three of them enjoyed their meal and soon the nurses were telling them that visiting time was over. Hela sighed, “Anthony it was great seeing you...will...you be back tomorrow?” 

“I will.” He kissed the side of her head. “Take care, don’t give your nurse a hard time, you hear?” 

She rolled her eyes, “Yes, Father.” she scoffed and turned to Aziraphale, “Come give me a hug. I’m so happy to have a son-in law.”

Aziraphale walked over and gave her a hug. “It was lovely to spend the day with you. I shall see you tomorrow as well.” 

Hela smiled, “Looking forward to it.” 

Aziraphale walked around the bed and held Crowley’s hand as they slowly made their way out of the hospital. Outside was a bit cold, Aziraphale pulled his coat around himself. They were halfway to the Bentley when Aziraphale stopped Crowley, “You’re right.” Crowley stopped and looked at him. And Aziraphale walked over to him, “We don’t need a wedding in my family’s church...I was...thinking we could have it here. So your mother could be here.” Crowley crossed his arms as Aziraphale continued, “You know they have a chapel in the hospital. We could, get married here.”

Crowley looked up to what he thought might be his Mother’s hospital room window. “Really?” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Yes. I...even called my Uncle...to see if it would be ok.” 

Crowley was a little shocked, “but your family...you know they’d be upset...and when?” 

Aziraphale rubbed his hands, “I...I already called everyone. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you, but I...I wanted this for you. Surprise.” he waved his hands, he had the look of someone not sure whether he’d done the right thing. 

Crowley rushed over and hugged him, “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve someone like you in my life Aziraphale.” Crowley swallowed, “What else do we need to do to make this happen?” 

Aziraphale shook his head, “Go get fitted for tux. Uncle said he and mother would take care of everything else.” 

Crowley was impressed, “Are you sure, Angel? I feel like you had a very solid plan on what you wanted for our wedding.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “Crowley the moment you came to live in my life there was never a doubt that I would love you until the day I die. The wedding is really just a formality.” Aziraphale kissed Crowley’s temple. “Besides, it’s not every day that a son is allowed to reunite with his mother like you have. It’s worth celebrating more than something as silly as a wedding, when it’s as clear as day how perfect our souls are together.” 

Crowley nodded as they made their way to the Bentley hand in hand. “Your right. My Angel.” he kissed Aziraphale’s hand as they returned to the flat.


	14. Wedding

Aziraphale checked himself in the small mirror in the bathroom. His brother Gabriel rolled his eyes, “If you adjust your tie once more, I’ll tie your hands behind your back until the wedding starts.” He scoffed walking over and putting his hand on Aziraphale’s shoulders, “You look perfect.” Gabriel took a deep breath, “I don’t always understand you. Az, but I know how important this is.” 

Aziraphale smiled, “Thank you Gabriel.” He reached for the ring that was missing from his hand, he hated not having it but they had agreed to have them be the wedding rings, since they were already so perfect. 

The door opened and a tall, lean man walked in. Aziraphale didn’t recognize him but he felt like he did. The man looked at the two of them, “You two are dressed to the nines for a Hospital?” 

Gabriel squared his shoulders, “There is going to be a wedding today so the fiance’s dying mother can attend the wedding.” 

The man looked between the two of them, “I see.” he walked over to the sink, “Oddly enough my...son is getting married here as well.” He checked himself in the mirror.

Aziraphale realized how he knew the man, that jawline and high cheekbones. Well defined toned body, “You’re Mr. Crowley?” 

He scoffed, “Only until my wife passes.” He made sure his hair was inline before turning, “Lucifer.” he turned standing before Gabriel, “So you must me Aziraphale.” he extended his hand to Gabriel. 

Gabriel forced a smile, “I’m the best man.” He stepped aside, “This is Aziraphale.” 

Lucifer’s expression fell for a second, “Oh.” he forced a smile and it reminded Aziraphale of Gabriel’s forced smile. “Wonderful to meet you.” He pulled his hand back, “If you excuse me. I should go. Check on...things.” and with that he turned walking out. 

Aziraphale swallowed hard, “I’m under the impression that he doesn’t much care for me.” Aziraphale tried to not have a panic attack right there in the middle of the bathroom. He had to remind himself that Crowley wasn’t very close with his family, so if his father didn’t like him it wouldn’t be the end of the world. 

Gabriel scoffed putting his hands on his side, “Is that what you see when I act like that?” 

Aziraphale looked to his brother, “uhm...I...I mean...sometimes…” Aziraphale started to rub his hands. 

Gabriel shook his head, “I need to work on that. What an ass.” he headed out of the bathroom. 

Aziraphale looked around until he spotted himself in the mirror he wondered what had it been that had made Crowley’s father decide on sight to be disappointed. The doors to the bathroom opened, Aziraphale glanced expecting one of his cousins but was happy to see his mother. She was in a bright light gray dress. Short gray hair was curled around her head, “Aziraphale.” She smiled, walking over and hugged him. 

“Mother you shouldn’t be here, this is the men’s room.” Aziraphale reminded her. 

She scoffed, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I do have two sons. Well soon I’ll have three.” She reached up cupping his cheek, “I’m so happy for you Aziraphale.” She tilted her head, “Is something wrong?” 

Aziraphale knew his mother could pick up on the smallest change in any of the family. “Oh, I just met...Crowley’s father. He...didn’t appear to be happy about me.” 

She nodded, “Crowley loves you, correct?” She asked. Aziraphale nodded, She smiled, “Sometimes parents think their children can do better, but in the end only your happiness is what is important. Now come, my son, it’s almost time to get into position.” She reached her hand out and Aziraphale took it as they walked out of the bathroom. As they walked getting closer to the small hospital chapel there were flowers tied up in reds, black, and whites. Aziraphale shouldn’t have been surprised by how quickly this family had gotten together to make sure everything was arranged. 

The doors were closed and Aziraphale knew that the place had been adorned in the same red, black and white wrapped in golden ribbons. He’s seen it right before his family had separated him from Crowley saying it was bad to see each other before the wedding. He swallowed hard as the music started to play and he locked arms with his mother as the doors opened and Castiel and Dean walked before them, throwing flowers as they walked. Crowley was standing in front with his mother, next to her was Michael and Anthema, on the other side Gabriel, Newt, and Lucifer stood. Aziraphale’s uncle stood in the middle, smiling at them. All around him were his friends and family that had been able to make the trip in such short notice. 

Aziraphale locked eyes with Crowley, who was smiling. He did his best to keep his eyes open with the lights, Aziraphale wanted to give him his sunglasses even though he loved looking into those beautiful yellow eyes. They joined hands as Aziraphale reached the front stage and Aziraphale’s uncle raised his hands, “Today, we join together to wed these two souls. Would the parent please come forward.” Hela and Lucifer stood behind Crowley, and Aziraphale’s mother stood behind Aziraphale. Aziraphale’s uncle smiled, “Do you offer your blessing to this union?” 

Lucifer made an exasperated sigh but with a glare from Hela he nodded, “I do.” 

Hela put a smile back on her face, “I do.” 

Aziraphale’s mother nodded, “I do.” 

Aziraphale took a deep breath and squeezed Crowley’s hand as his Uncle spoke. Aziraphale had heard this speech before, taking about the blessings of marriage and of finding love in not just the Almighty, but within another soul. Crowley was paying attention to the speech but Aziraphale could tell that his eyes were getting tired from the light. Aziraphale was about to say something when his Uncle said, “The rings?” 

Anathema walked up with the velvet pillow, the two rings resting on top. She smiled as she offered them to the pair. Crowley took the silver ring with a serpent on it and cleared his throat, “Aziraphale Fell. With this ring, I asked you to be mine. It be my one and only, through sickness and health, through hard times until death do us part. Do you accept me to love and care for you?” 

Aziraphale tried to keep the tears in his eyes from falling as he nodded, “I do.” Crowley slowly put the ring on Aziraphale’s finger. Aziraphale reached for the other ring, carved with a wing, taking a deep breath hoping his voice wouldn’t crack when he said his vows. “Anthony Crowley. With this ring, I asked you to be mine. It be my one and only, through sickness and health, through hard times until death do us part.” He took a second to keep his voice even, “Do you accept me to love and care for you?” 

Crowley half smiled, “I do.” Aziraphale put the ring on Crowley’s finger. 

Aziraphale uncle raised his hands, “By the power invested in me and the blessing of the Almighty, I present to you. Mr. and Mr. Crowley.” The whole room stood clapping, even some nurses had slipped in. “You may kiss.” he said as Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale, pulling him into a deep kiss. The tears finally had fallen from Aziraphale’s eyes as they embraced and their family gathered to celebrate. It was a perfect day to begin the rest of their lives, together.


End file.
